I Said No and I Meant It

We have all done it.  Well, maybe not the few perfect parents out there but for the rest of us... we say "no" to our children only to allow them to change our mind.  When the "yes" comes out of our mouths, we usually regret it but... too late. 

And, for those few perfect parents out there, (the ones that have perfected effective parenting skills) although we cheer you, please keep your perfection to yourself!  See, we actually admire your parenting skills but we just don't want to know about it.  In comparison, we would just feel worse!  We know we have good parenting skills, we just haven't had the energy to perfect them, yet!

So, here are the dreaded words... that come out of OUR MOUTHS!

Well, okay, but just this time. Don’t ask again!!!!!

Sound familiar? And we wonder why our children won’t accept the answer the first time.  And, although it isn't ha ha funny, it is truly humorous that we are amazed and frustrated at how often the children push our "no" into "yes".  We absolutely know it is because we give in too many times but we just don't have the energy to argue out the issue. 

So, how do we get our children to respect our answer "No" the first time? Easy, say "NO" and mean it. It isn’t open for discussion.

Most of us have experienced the store scenes… we say "No", the child throws a fit and either we give in or we think the world suspects we’re horrible parents.

Either way, so-be-it!

All too often we forget we are the parents and allowed to make the decisions. Some decisions we encourage the children to make, but that too is our decision. If we fail to take control, how can we expect any different from our children?

When your child is asking something that you are unprepared to answer, tell them that you will think about it. At that point, tell the child when you will give them an answer. If the child pesters you by bringing it up again, give them one and only one warning. A simple warning that will only take once to be effective: "If you ask me again before____, I will give you the opposite answer of what you want." If they ask again, make your point and turn the request down. Of course it will be painful, but it should only take once. If not, keep up the consistency until they take you seriously.

If you are asked a question and decide to say "No," look directly in the eyes of your child or speak lovingly, but firmly on the phone and say "No." If you choose to explain, that is fine, but be careful. Once you start explaining too much, that leaves room for debate. You must say "No," give a short explanation as to why, and end the conversation. The child may pursue you and attempt to engage in a discussion as to why you are wrong and they are right. Don’t allow it. Listen attentively, give them a hug, tell them you heard them but the answer remains "No" and there will be no further discussion. If you need to, walk away. But do not offer any further discussion regarding the subject. If they still continue, ignore them. It will be hard, but if you stick to your decisions they will become final, for real!