Dovid Grossman, a coach and father of nine, recently told me that his father and he had fought constantly through his growing up years. Through it all, his mother was the referee. Finally when Dovid was 17 years old he sat down with his father and said, “I want to have a close relationship with you.” He was flabbergasted when his father said, “I’ve tried to do that your whole life but I don’t know how.”
The conversation made a strong impression on me because I too had a stormy relationship with my father. I tell people I had sibling rivalry with my father!
Gary Chapman, pastor and marriage counselor, noticed that if you want to truly connect with your loved one you need to know and speak his or her love language. A love language is the way we express our devotion and commitment, and it can be learned or changed to touch the hearts of our partners.
Chapman says there are 5 Love Languages. They are:
·Receiving Gifts – Presents and physical tokens of affection move you.
·Quality Time – This can be expressed either through those intimate tête-à-tête discussions or via doing things together.
·Acts of Service – You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others.
·Physical Touch – You want to give and/or receive affection physically.
·Words of Affirmation – You need to hear praise to know you are loved, and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally.
Everyone has a preferred love language. Most of us just naturally assume that because we like to have love expressed to us in a certain way that the other person wants to have it expressed to him or her in that same way.
Now that I think about it my father was a hugger but I preferred going on outings with him and hearing him praise me. It is no wonder that we struggled! Perhaps something similar happened between Dovid and his father.
Gary Chapman has written several books on the topic. One The Five Love Languages is for couples; there are also volumes that address men, singles, children and teenagers.
On March 15th Gary will be interviewed by Dovid about the book The Five Love Languages for Teenagers on a teleclass (class that is given on the telephone) sponsored by Coachville.com. (Check their website for more information.)
Dovid also started a group called Awesome Dads at Coachville (www.AwesomeDads.com), because after his experience he realized that most fathers want to connect powerfully on a deep emotional level with their children. His group meets regularly by telephone to discuss various proficiencies of fatherhood.
Are you interested in “Connecting powerfully on a deep emotional level”? If so Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages may provide you with the tools to do just that.
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