A commenter on my blog recently wrote: With my partner's layoff and my salary reductions at work, our household income is down 80%! I feel like I'm getting no where at work, and my remaining income after expenses is now supporting my partners start up business and her share of our bills....How can I feel like I am succeeding again...I can't wait 'for the economy to turn around'...I want to make my own magic happen!
You don’t have to be patient as the economy slowly recovers, you can make your own magic happen now! You have the power to create magic when you’re focused on what you want. Conversely, fear and doubt take away your power when you give a big hunk of your attention to what you don’t like.
There are 5 simple steps to keeping your focus on what you want in each moment.
Step 1. Making magic starts with where you put your attention and how you feel about what you’re seeing.
You’ll feel anxious when you give the majority of your time to looking at bills, bank balances and economic reports. But instead of fretting, focus your attention on what you want to experience: a loving connection with your partner, steadfast support of each other (you’re a team!), trusting yourself and her that everything will work out eventually, and anything else that will light you up.
Step 2. Give it time. My dear grandmother once told me: Everything always works out in the end. If it hasn’t worked out, it means you haven’t gotten to the end yet. As you look back on your life, you can see countless instances of things working out. This will too. In its own time. Trying to force things to happen is exhausting and ultimately futile. You’re most powerful when you do what you can do, then relax and give it time to work out.
Step 3. Expand your definition of success (see related post, Do You Measure Up?). You could say that you’re successful in holding onto your job. And although it’s not fulfilling right now, it is sustaining your household through this transitional time.
Also, you’re successful in supporting your partner at a time when she really needs you. You’re giving her a special gift—one she’ll remember for the rest of her life. And you’ll have the memory of coming through for her in a strong way when the going got tough. Your confidence will continue to grow as you think of other areas of your life where you’re successful.
Be sure you’re supporting her as fully as you can. Ask yourself: Am I wholeheartedly supporting her, or am I doubtful about her timing and ability to pull this off? Even if it’s unspoken, she’ll feel undermined if she picks up on fear that it won’t work, or if you don’t trust that she has what it takes to be successful.
Step 4. Look for signs of what you want—anywhere you can find them. The economy is turning around, slowly. The signs are there, if you look for them.
Step 5. Act when the time is right for you. The economy doesn’t have to be completely turned around for you to be successful. Part of what helps turn it around is the willingness of thousands of individuals who step out and try things. After all, the 1930s was the most technologically progressive decade of the 20th century.
When you trust yourself and your partner, then stay focused on what you want, you have the power to make your own magic.
How Is the Economy Affecting Your Choices?
When the economy took a nosedive, most of us reflexively scampered to the nearest corner to hide ‘til it’s over. But when your nose is pressed against the wall, you’ll miss the parade that passes by you every day. Consider these statistics:
• It’s easy to parrot everyone else’s fear. But when the old ideas no longer work, the door of innovation swings wide open. More than half of Inc. Magazine’s 2008 list of the top 500 companies started in the first few months following 9/11. They found the opportunity amidst the uncertainty, and they ran with it.
Question: Amidst the uncertainty of today’s economy, what’s your opportunity (either to start a business or be more innovative in your current career)?
• The 30s were the most technologically progressive decade of the 20th century, outpacing the recent high tech revolution. Productivity grew during the Great Depression at three times the rate of the 90s. More r & d labs were opened during the first 4 years of the Depression than in the previous decade.
Question: What needs to happen for you to be willing to take action on your opportunity?
• 65% of Americans surveyed said they would never again spend as freely as they did before the recession. The social zeitgeist, while retaining its Americana competitiveness, is shifting. Keeping up with the Joneses has evolved from craven materialism to righteous (sometimes frugal; sometimes green) new citizen consumerism.
Question: How has your attitude shifted since the economic downturn began?
• The number of millionaires leaped 16% in 2009, and grew another 8% last year. Put another way, a new millionaire popped up, on average, every 3 seconds last year.
Now is the time when new ideas have an attentive audience. If you wait for the economy to come all the way back to feel that it’s the “right time” to make your move, you’ll miss out on the open field (less competition, fewer ideas) that exists now. Why be the last one in the parade? (You know the joke about the last guy’s job in the parade is to “collect” the horse manure.)
Why Deer Are Scarier Than Sharks
Most people aren't skillful at assessing risk because they have an inaccurate view of what the bigger threats are.
For example, in the U.S., only a couple of people each year are killed by sharks. But hundreds are killed when they hit a deer with their car. So a deer is hundreds of times more threatening to your life than a shark.
I know someone who died when his car struck a deer, but I don’t know anyone who’s been attacked, much less killed in a shark attack. Even with that said, I think I fear a shark more than a deer because of my aversion to having my limbs chewed off versus going instantly in a big crunch. And all of those sharp, pointy teeth just look scarier than Bambi.
Let ‘s apply this metaphor to how your attitude about the economy affects your views of work and money.
Deer #1: Work. What’s the purpose of your work? Everyone uses their work to fulfill their dreams of freedom (financial and lifestyle) and, I hope, to express a passion. The vast majority fear the shark of financial insecurity, but are instead hit by the deer of mediocrity. Their fear keeps them shackled to a safe, but mind-numbingly boring job. They inadvertently have the experience that work robs them of the very life it was supposed to give them.
Deer #2: Bankruptcy. Most of us fear the shark—getting fired from our jobs—as the path to bankruptcy. But the deer that causes more than half of bankruptcy filings is medical reasons. And three-quarters of this group had insurance, at least when they got sick. Some lost their insurance because they were too sick to work, thus losing their jobs. But those who had continuing coverage declared bankruptcy most often because of deductibles and loopholes.
What deer are you ignoring because you’re focusing on sharks?
The Guessing GameWhen you stay focused on the opportunities to improve your situation, you’ll join the millions who are creating their own economic recovery. Let’s conclude this look at the economy with a little quiz.
True or false: The ratio of bankruptcy filings to new millionaires is huge.
False. I asked a few friends for their opinion, and they thought it ranged from 10-25 bankruptcies per new Richie Rich. Would you be surprised to hear that it’s more like 2 to 1? Yes, more people are going broke, but an astounding number are making it big (600k new Richies last year alone).
True or false: Personal bankruptcies are outpacing business filings.
True. Business filings actually decreased 7% last year, as opposed to personal filings, which increased 9%. If you’re looking for a little encouragement to start a business, now is a great time to take advantage of fresh opportunities to fill new niches or put a new spin on an existing one.
True or false: You have a better chance of being hit by lightning than winning the lottery.
False. An average of 2 people per week are killed by lightning. By contrast, 105 people per week in North America win $100,000 or more playing lotteries. (Disclaimer: I don’t encourage gambling; I’m merely providing information.)
I hope this week’s postings have given you a more expanded perspective about the economic climate. As in every part of life, there are encouraging signs—if you look for them.
Six Things Your Life Coach Doesn't Want You To Know
There are many confusing and false messages bouncing around in cyberspace about life coaching. After coaching 600 people over the past 13 years, talking with dozens of coaches and surfing the websites of about 100 more, I'm sharing my take on what coaching is—and isn't. I'd like to say upfront that my intention is not to offend or denigrate. I'm simply stating my informed opinion, which is best taken with a grain of salt.The Creativity Bone’s Connected to the Confidence Bone
How was your day? We utter this question blithely every day, not realizing how monumental it is. Indeed, it’s the single most important question you’ll ever ask. We talk about life being short, but 80 years is really a long time. Life’s too long to fight evolution. When you have the opportunity to be fulfilled, life’s way too long to be bored making mediocre stuff all day.Do You Know the Difference Between Boundaries and Walls?
My growing-up experience was common in our society. I learned to put up walls as the only way to keep others from taking too much from me too often. The implication is that I can’t trust you, so I have to protect myself from you. The downside is, walls keep everyone out all the time. The price I paid for walls was way too steep. I experienced only a limited connection with others. With walls up, I was never fully “seen” for who I was, nor could I deeply know my loved ones.