How to Help a Drug Addict

How can we best help a drug addict?

The first thing you must do when it comes to helping a drug addict in your life is to stop enabling them. Most of us do not even realize when we are enabling because we confuse enabling with actually helping the addict. For example, if the drug addict in our life asks us to borrow money so that they can pay their bills and feed their children, most of us would think that loaning them the money for these things would be genuinely helping them (provided that they actually spend the money on bills and food). However, even if the drug addict spends the money for these necessities, we are still hurting the addict by loaning them the money. If you do not understand why this is then chances are good that you engage in enabling behavior.

The reason that you should not give money to the addict for basic necessities (or even to help feed their children) is because it allows them to spend their other money on drugs. Furthermore, by giving them money and bailing them out when they need money to feed their children, you are showing them that you will continue to rescue them in the future. They subconsciously tell themselves: "See, they won't let my children starve or my lights to get shut off. They will step in and rescue me." This sets the addict up for failure in the future and gives them "permission" to spend money on drugs.

You should never do something for an addict if it is something they could normally do for themselves if they were clean from drugs. In other words, you don't wake them up for work if they are going to be late because they were up all night partying. You don't bail them out of jail. You don't apologize for them to others when they behave badly because of drugs. When you try to prop an addict up in this way, or try to prevent bad consequences from happening to them, you are prolonging the addictive cycle.

The reason for this is because one of the best motivators for change is pain. You should never deny an addict of their pain. It is very difficult to do so anyway and you will just waste a lot of your own energy trying to do it. Don't try to save someone who is self destructing. The idea is to let them experience the pain and let it drive them to eventual change. Once an addict has finally had enough they will surrender to the disease and do something different.

Note that you do not have to be mean or go out of your way to try and punish an addict. Simply let them endure the natural consequences of their actions. If they end up in jail, let them sit there. If they freak out in a fit of rage and start throwing things, simply get out of the way and let them go nuts. Never react. When you react you allow the addict to shift the focus on to you. If you simply step aside and be neutral about their episodes, then the addict must eventually look at themselves. You can thus force them to examine their life and their behavior. Don't react. Don't rescue. Just step aside and let them skin their knee a few times. This is called detachment, and it is the healthiest and most loving response that you can give to an addict. It is the best that you can do to bring them closer to surrender.

It doesn't do much good to push an addict towards treatment, but you can let them know about their options. But let them come to you. When an addict is ready to ask for help, and ready to change on your terms, then that means they have truly surrendered. If they are not yet at that point, then treatment is not going to do them any good anyway.

Do your part by not enabling them any more and simply let them know that treatment is available when they are ready to change. Then pray for them and get out of their way. This is the best we can do. Of course it is not always easy.