The High Cost of Sexual Performance Anxiety

It's well-established that stress, worry and anxiety contribute adversely to the issue of ejaculatory control. Along with the disintegration of the feeling of control, when a man is "uptight," his lover will often notice it. If she then starts to worry about his worrying, she's prone to have a problem with her relaxation, arousal, or orgasm. Stress in the bedroom is contagious and it is a major cause of lovers avoiding stressful sexual activities. After all, sex should be stress-free and exciting - not frustrating and tense.

An individual who rigidly believes that sustained sex is the hallmark of sexual success, is likely to begin worrying obsessively about his uncontrollable climaxes. The real or imagined demand to perform both long and well is all the more overwhelming if his lover seems to be also expecting heightened sexual performance. As a result of all this inner turmoil, tremendous sexual performance anxiety is likely to be generated. With all this overwhelming pressure to do well, he is now preoccupied with his concern, and not on his lover's response. He becomes more aware of his anxiety than his own pleasure. Rather than being relaxed and devoted to the sensuous feelings he and his lover should be enjoying, he becomes stressed as he focuses on his own performance.

Amid this intense trepidation, the man could suddenly discover that his anxiety has interfered with becoming erect. Now the problem is not just one of climaxing too soon, but rather one of not being able to even start. What started as a concern over premature ejaculation has become a more general and incredibly powerful concern with failure. This intense fear is among the main causes of erectile disorders in young healthy men.

This cycle is clear and is seen regularly within the sex therapist's office. A man reports that he had experienced a series of quick climaxes. Discomfort was felt, and perhaps, frustration was indicated by his partner. He reports how he started to think about control, but his anxiety only contributed to his ejaculation problems. He worried further and the demand to perform was increased. To his dismay, as his anxiety elevated the stiffness of his erections decreased.

As a consequence of the mutual frustration, he felt that he was in very serious trouble and he and/or his partner might have then started to avoid the sexual encounters, stretching them out gradually. When the couple would finally have sex, a great deal of time had passed and the man felt pressured to perform well. The man became a spectator at his own performance. As his anxiety about failure soars, he finds himself in a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" predicament. If he can't achieve an erection he has failed, however if he does acquire one he is likely to climax quickly, which is also a failure.

If there are problems with getting or maintaining an erection, and if this is due to sexual performance anxiety, the erectile concerns should be addressed before beginning work on the early ejaculation. You can't improve how you finish if you're having difficulty starting.