Why Depressed and Angry Super Villains could benefit from a Bariatric Weight Loss Program

We all hate school yard bullies, and in the world of comic books, these tend to be the super villains. While some super villains might have some legitimate reasons for lashing out against humanity, other bad guys are simply fat slobs who are depressed, angry, upset, confused, and in dire need of a bariatric weight loss program. Considering that these villainous mutants, aliens, and human humbugs cause so much chaos for the comic book world, it probably wouldn't be too unreasonable to toss some weight loss advice their way.

Consider Kingpin, one of Spiderman's most difficult foes to manage. Kingpin grew up as a fat, depressed, poor, unpopular kid and eventually grew up to become a crime lord. With no superpowers of his own, he is literally just an old, bald, fat, rich guy who likes to take it out on the likes of Spidey and Captain America. That's right - Captain America. That Kingpin went after the likes of Captain America says more about his own anger with himself than anything.

Or take The Penguin in the Batman series. So fat and short and hated by everyone, this evil villain caused completely strife for Batman's life in Gotham City. If any super villain could have used a bariatric weight loss program, it would be The Penguin. Waddling and squatting around the city is all this guy could do since carrying around all that body weight inhibits normal paced steps. Combined with his love of food, especially slabs of raw fish, it's no wonder The Penguin was as depressed and angry as he was!

The Slug was another super villain crime lord who was so huge that writers eventually had him stop walking in the comic series. Eventually the slug would sit around on pillows, ride his yacht, and manage his crime business from far away destinations. The Slug was so massive that his arms could no longer reach certain areas of his body, forcing him to develop hovercrafts and rocket-propelled chairs to transport himself to and from his boats and mansions. While gifted with a power intellect, Slug was never able to make it out of his obesity. Nevertheless, Slug is now in jail, and if he is not making use of the gym, he could probably look into a publicly funded bariatric weight loss program.

Even Jabba the Hut could have benefited from losing a few pounds. This would have made it more easy for him to defend himself against oncoming attack rather than having to pay a bunch of weird alien species to hang around him all day in case of an attack. Even though servants fed him grapes, Hut's gut was so large that a small army of men could easily be swallowed and digested inside. While a fantastically entertaining character in the Star Wars saga, he is definitely another villain who should have kept an eye on his weight.