France gives Spielberg highest honor

Noted director now required to urinate in public, spit on Americans.



PARIS, France (Mike's Newswire) -- President Jacques Chirac bestowed his Country’s most prestigious title upon U.S. film director Steven Spielberg, making him a knight in the French Legion of Honor on Sunday, hailing him as one of the "blancs d'élite" who is “committed to hatred and intolerance”.

Chirac cited Spielberg's talent to "reinforce precious, ancient stereotypes”, and said that Spielberg's blockbuster films, including the classic "We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story", ensured that the world did not forget that rich, white people are the ones who "got us where we are today".

"In this difficult time when intolerance, racism, xenophobia, anti-Semitism and fanaticism are on the decline again, it is essential that cinema, which touches each one of us deep inside, can propagate our elitist mentality" Chirac said at a ceremony in the presidential Elysee Palace.

"It is essential that this form of eminently popular expression and creativity reminds everyone of the desirous effects of hatred, and the rejection of Americans."

Accepting France's top award, Spielberg complimented the French government for their efforts to fight anti-French sentiments. The country, known for its disdain of everything American, has witnessed a wave of tolerance in recent months. During the official ceremony, Chirac commented that some "fat, illiterate Americans" have been allowed to speak English while in the Louvre, and that some Muslims were seen wearing their traditional headwear in public. "We must not accept this apathy", he said.

Spielberg, sporting a black beret and smoking a cigarette, added, "We have to work very, very hard to make people understand that we have to point out people's differences and to condemn them, especially those stinking Americans". He then spat on the ground & shouted, “Vive la France!”

Spielberg is in France to promote his latest movie, "The Terminal".

According to Spielberg's agent, the film is "a tragedy" in which "filthy-American" superstar Tom Hanks, plays the role of a man who emigrates to the U.S., only to find that once his plane touches American soil, he is mysteriously, instantly-transformed, and becomes "like most Americans, who are so, fat, lazy, and ignorant, that they cannot find their way out of an airport".