Have PC-Will Crash

This isn't the article that I was planning to write today.
I had a totally different article in mind. Truthfully the
article I was going to write was a whole lot funnier than
this one. In fact I had already started typing the other,
much funnier, article on my PC and if all had gone well you
would be reading that article instead of this one. But
unfortunately for you, as always happens right when I'm in
the middle of something very important, my PC crashed.

Actually, I don't think the term crash correctly defines
what happened with my PC. With a crash there is usually some
kind of warning. Take a plane crash for instance. Before
the plane crashes you may see any or all of the following:

* thick black smoke pouring out of one or more engines

* large chunks of aircraft whizzing past your window

* pilots and flight attendants desperately strapping on
parachutes

* oxygen masks dropping from the ceilings, injuring taller
passengers

* the ground

Even the stock market has signs that it is about to crash.
However I don't know what they are so you'll have to take my
word on that one. I once tried to get into the whole stock
market thing but every broker I called thought that my only
having $20 to invest was 'a problem'. That's when I discovered
stock market games. You can enjoy all the ups and downs of
investing without having to deal with the hassle of actually
making money and getting rich.

My point is that in almost every other form of 'crash' there
are warning signs. But there are NO warning signs whatsoever
before a PC crashes. You'll just be sitting there surfing the
Net, or typing up something in Microsoft Word, or trying to
figure out how restore all those pictures of Drew Barrymoore that
you downloaded that your girlfriend claims she 'accidentally'
deleted, and all of a sudden !CRASH! your whole screen goes
blank.

Actually your doing good if you get a blank screen. The Blank
Screen Crash can usually be fixed by shutting off and restarting
your computer. The Blank Screen Crash is nothing compared to
the Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ Crash or the Illegal Operation
8099094##$$GJHhhjj Crash. These crashes are the ones that remain
even after you have restarted your computer. You'll shut down
your computer, restart it, sit through Scandisk's (or SlothDisk as
I call it) 15 minute ritual, get back to the Windows Desktop and
!CRASH! there it is again, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ,
Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ, Exception Error 294888389KKVGFGJ.

These types of crashes usually end in you calling Tech Support
which involves sitting on the phone for 4 hours after which a
underpaid, overworked tech support representative who recently
got fired from his job in airport security, will tell you that
your computer is out of warranty and therefore you are not
eligible for tech support. Unless you want to pay a small fee,
in which case you can then be transfered to Advanced Fee-based Tech
Support, where after waiting for only 2 hours, the exact same Tech
Support Representative you talked to before will tell you that he is
going to send you an email that will show you how to fix the problem.
You will hang up tired, but satisfied that you got results, until you
realize that you can't get check your email because your computer has
crashed.

The only course of action left to you now is the dreaded trip to
the computer repair shop. A trip that has never in the history of
personal computers ended well. Oh, the guys at the computer repair
shop may look knowledgable, and they probably are, they just aren't
going to put the knowledge to use on YOUR PC. Instead that knowledge
is reserved for trying to find ways to conquer the Evil Wizard
Gorlazx in Second Fuedal Region of the online computer game Baalor's
Revenge. Your machine will only get attention after hours and hours
of Baalor's when the computer repair guy has about 0.567 functioning
brain cells left. That is why your PC always is ready a week later
that promised and is never really technically fixed. It's 'fixed' in
that it actual boots up now, but when it comes to doing something
far-fetched like actually running a program you can forget about it.
But look at it on the bright side, they probably will have installed
a nice new Baalor's Revenge screensaver on your Pc, and so now you will
at least have something nice to look at while you sit on the phone with
Tech Support again.

But I guess that's the price we all pay for the luxury of modern
technology. If you think about it, a few wasted hours on the phone
and a few wasted weeks or months with no computer, are really small
prices to pay for all the advantages we get while our PCs are working.
And if you don't know what kind of 'advantages' I'm talking about, come
over one day when my girlfriend's not here, I've got a few downloaded
pictures to show you...