In the unique world of military matrimony, couples like Melissa and John Wallace of Camp Pendleton, California, exemplify the resilience and dedication required to sustain a loving relationship amidst the rigors of military life. With a quarter-century of marriage under their belts, the Wallaces have navigated the complexities of military service, including frequent deployments and relocations, while nurturing their bond and family. Their story, along with insights from newlyweds like Emily Travis, offers a glimpse into the strategies and mindsets that help military marriages thrive against the odds.
Melissa Wallace, a poised woman with a gentle demeanor, has been the steadfast partner of Sgt. Maj. John Wallace for 25 years. Their journey began in 1976, and since then, they have traversed four states, two countries, and welcomed four sons. John's military career demanded resilience from the family, with two overseas tours—one unaccompanied—and an average of three deployments annually over two decades. Despite these challenges, the Wallaces' love has remained unwavering, a testament to their commitment and the strength of their union.
Melissa reflects on the unique nature of military marriage, acknowledging the hardships but also the growth it has fostered in their relationship. "Marriage in the military is tough," she admits. "It is full of every challenge and adversity you could imagine. Yet, it's those challenges that make us stronger and ultimately make our marriage better."
Emily Travis, a 20-year-old bride, is navigating the early stages of military marriage. Shortly after her wedding, she faced a six-month separation from her husband, Naval Petty Officer Todd Travis. Despite the distance and the challenges it brings, Emily views this time apart as an opportunity to demonstrate her commitment and the strength of her love.
"I miss him dearly," Emily says, "but I try not to dwell on that. I wouldn’t have chosen to have my husband away from me, but since he is, I’m taking this as an opportunity to show Todd the strength of my love for him."
The daily realities of military marriage may differ, but the core principles remain the same: commitment, understanding, and patience are crucial, especially given the demanding nature of military life. Relationship expert Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D., author of "Real Moments," emphasizes that marriage is an active, daily choice. "Marriage is a behavior—it is how you love and honor your partner every day…it is a choice you make, not just on your wedding day, but over and over again," she writes.
Melissa Wallace shares a tradition that has enriched her marriage during separations: keeping individual journals as a form of communication. "We kept individual journals all the time. The journals were written for each other and were like one big, long letter of all our hopes and fears and feelings," Melissa explains. This practice allowed them to remain emotionally close despite physical distance and has become a cherished chronicle of their relationship's evolution.
Military life's trials are not just obstacles but opportunities for growth. Emily Travis, for instance, chose to pursue education during her husband's absence, a decision she believes she might not have made otherwise. "That makes me want to have new experiences and better myself too," she says, highlighting the importance of personal development even when apart from her spouse.
The Wallaces have learned that while deployments and military careers are finite, marriage is meant to endure. "Everything changes. It was just a matter of holding on until better days came, and when they did, we were amazed at how much closer we were for having endured together," Melissa recounts.
A recent celebration at Camp Pendleton honored John and Melissa's journey. In his speech, John paid tribute to his wife's unwavering support, saying, "I am the Marine, but Melissa gives me the heart."
Military marriages like the Wallaces' and the Travises' are built on a foundation of love, resilience, and the understanding that every challenge is a stepping stone to a stronger relationship. These couples demonstrate that with commitment and creativity, military marriages can not only survive but flourish.
