Valentine's Day can often amplify feelings of discontent in a struggling marriage, with every corner showcasing symbols of love and affection. From heart-shaped chocolates to romantic dinner specials, the day can seem overwhelming for those facing marital difficulties. However, it's possible to approach this day with a sense of personal empowerment and self-care. The following strategies, inspired by the insights from Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., and Lee Hefner's book, "Keep Your Marriage," offer a guide to maintaining perspective and well-being during this potentially challenging time.
Celebrate Yourself: Treat yourself as your own valentine. Indulge in self-care activities like a massage or a pedicure, or enjoy a solo gourmet dining experience. Purchase something you've been eyeing, like a new book or album, and consider leaving work early to enjoy a leisurely afternoon at the movies.
Prioritize Your Well-being: Make a pledge to love and care for yourself. Engage in regular exercise, maintain a balanced diet, relax, socialize, and get ample rest. Remember, self-care isn't selfish—it's essential for your overall health and the energy you bring to your relationships.
Commit to Personal Happiness: Promise yourself a fulfilling life, with or without your spouse. By valuing yourself and your capacity to thrive independently, you exude strength and confidence, which can make you a more appealing partner.
Embrace Uncertainty: View uncertainty as a chance to strengthen your faith and resilience. Practice living in the present and reduce worries about the future. As Walt Whitman said, "The future is no more uncertain than the present."
Seek Out Fun: Don't postpone happiness until your marriage improves. Pursue activities you've always wanted to try, like piano lessons, and incorporate them into your life now.
Broaden Your Social Circle: Keep in touch with friends and consider joining new groups or classes. If you're hesitant about personal questions, remember you can always respond with discretion and gratitude for their concern.
These tips are adapted from "Keep Your Marriage: What To Do When Your Spouse Says 'I don't love you anymore!'" by Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., and Lee Hefner, which is available at KeepYourMarriage.com.
While the above tips offer individual strategies, it's also important to consider the broader context of marriage and Valentine's Day. According to a survey by the National Retail Federation, U.S. consumers were expected to spend an average of $196.31 on Valentine's Day in 2020, with total spending reaching $27.4 billion, a 32% increase from 2019. This indicates the immense pressure to celebrate the day traditionally, which can be challenging for those in less-than-perfect marriages.
Furthermore, a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that couples' therapy can significantly improve relationship satisfaction, highlighting the importance of seeking professional help when needed. This suggests that while self-care and empowerment are crucial, external support can also play a vital role in navigating marital challenges.
By focusing on personal growth and self-compassion, individuals can approach Valentine's Day with a sense of empowerment, regardless of their marital situation.
