Lugh Long Arm

“LUGH LONG-ARM
Now is a good time to tell the story of Lugh or Lug and the Tuatha de Danaan meeting with Eochaid who most say was Fir Bolg and some say may have been Milesian while others might say was a Fomorian.

"And there were then two doorkeepers at Tara, namely Gamal son of Figal and Camall son of Riagall. When one of these was on duty he saw a strange company coming towards him. A young warrior fair and shapely, with a king's trappings, was in the forefront of that band. They told the doorkeeper to announce their arrival at Tara. The doorkeeper asked: 'Who is there?'

'Here there is Lug Lamfada (i.e. Lug Long-Arm) son of Cian son of Diancecht and of Ethne daughter of Balor. Fosterson, he, of Tailltiu daughter of Magmor king of Spain {Iberia} and of Eochaid the Rough son of Duach.’ (2)”

Doorkeep: 'What art or expertise do you bring? Nobody without the sheepskin of the highest university will enter here.' Following the policy of all good administrations that seek to weed out those who might pretend to know and thus damage those who mistakenly think they are truly expert.

“Question me, kind sir. I am able to show the greatest arts of the doctor (leech, in his time)!” Lugh spoke with confidence and his fellows were aware this doorkeeper could not possibly ask relevant questions that would challenge the knowledge of their leader.

Doorkeep: 'My good master and faithful Drucht is the best of that noble profession or guild and we have no need of more.'

"Good then, perhaps he would like to learn about the arts he can benefit your king by?" One of Lugh's band spoke in a challenging manner.

“Seamus, There is no need to worry about whether or not their leech is able to address the complexities of the body and its humours… Do you think your king would like a champion?" Lugh flexed and stood straight.

Doorkeep: 'Ogma is famous beyond the rising and setting sun. If you know anything you know of his merit. Are you 'barbarians'?'

"Barbarians and experts are alike; they all come from far away with credentials and no detractors, proclaiming themself as wise or strong. Our Lugh has had such visit his court in lands far more ostentatious than this castle." Seamas spoke with rising disdain for the bureaucrat who obviously had determined he was going to decide what only his king could determine.

"Allow me to engage the good man without further interjection, Seamas! We all know the importance of our mission and that failure to prove our merit with words might lead to having to use other means. Our Queen has instructed us to make every effort... Now, my good man, please forgive the tone and tenor of Seamas… He actually enjoys taking the heads off the best of champions when we meet them… Perhaps you have an opening for a Harper?"

‘Your company is beginning to wear upon me… We have Rhea of Bicelmos whom the faeries are beholden to.’ The doorkeep had moved to a safer position and made ready to deny entrance should they appear ready to move across the drawbridge.

Lugh was not tired or upset but could see this was not going to be easy to break through the defenses brought about by provincial ego and the arts of those who congratulate each other while never venturing out into the real world to find their match or metal. "Question me: I am a sorcerer and able to appear as the eagle or the fish."

Doorkeep: 'We need thee not… Many are those among us who have so studied and our folk of might are seldom bested by wizards from the land of Gaul near to your Iberia, if that is where you hail from.'

"We have been places you have never heard about except perhaps in the 'Psaltair' which you probably have read and wondered how could the earth be so incredibly immense… I see you have studied the art of the psychic and fancy yourself intuitive, through your non-verbal probing... I SEE also that you have difficulty imagining anyone can know so much… I know you have met people from near and far who come to our spiritual centerpiece of yore and think it is what it was before the ice did cover our homelands… I know you have not seen the likes of my torque and find my manner beyond belief… Perhaps there is something you yourself have heard about and yet have never seen done that I might do for you?”

Doorkeep: 'It has been eons since those days you speak of. I am a man of breadth and learning beyond a mere sole disciplinarian who may know something well but know little just the same. In years of training before I achieved this high and respected position I thought there were no tellers of tales who could best me… Since the time I have been in this post I have often been proven wrong in that belief, and you are becoming quite high on the list of 'fakirs' and 'claimants' I have met. There is one thing that I have heard spoken about that I would like to see you do and yet have never seen it done…'

"Then you shall have it" Tell us what it is. 'Seamas spoke with glee.

Doorkeep: 'Dematerialization!' The good man smiled broadly.

Lugh stood fast and raised his arms while beginning to turn. When he had completed three turns, he was no more visible. His own men were aghast but the doorkeep looked dryly into their presence and said:

'Mind-fogging is an easy art… Perhaps one of you would take sword and pierce the place where Lugh was standing.'

"We have not seen him do this before and are not sure you are not right… He is our hero and historian, a poet and a smith, brazier and craftsman. We should not wish to lose his teaching." Seamas spoke slowly as he put his hand on his sword.

Doorkeep: 'It is as I had surmised…You are all just students on a jester’s quest… Be gone else I summon the guards!’

Among the group was a red-haired lass named Boadicaea whose nickname Bodacious was often heard on the lips of men who desired her favour. She drew her sword and stabbed the air in front of Seamas and wherever Lugh might seem to be in the eyes of the unbelieving bureaucrat. He was quite impressed and spoke softly. 'I shall tell my king what has happened.'

Eochaid heard the tale and welcomed the de Danaan to his land. He made Lugh the Ard Ollam in charge of the Philosophies and Crafts. There had been no such chair seated in his court of that of many kings before him. Since the time of Myrddin of Wales (Merlin) none had dared to take this austere position. With the aid of the de Danaan Eochaid was able to unite all people in Erinn (Eire) under his rule and the legend of Lugh and his child Dagda grew to the state of demi-gods or superstars. The stories of their feats of legerdemain and chivalry still are unmatched. The doorkeep has been forgotten and his post has received less 'dire fine' or payment for a long time now.