The F-Word

I'd like to invite you to consider a powerful concept. This
concept is essential--we must learn how to master it if we want
to experience the levels of joy, happiness, love and prosperity
that are our birthright. Many of us, however, resist this
concept. We use it sparingly, if at all, and occasionally, we
won't even consider it as an option. In fact, for many of us,
this concept is so emotionally charged that I hesitate to even
name it, because if I call it anything other than the "f-word"
it could put our egos on high alert.

You see, in many cases, avoiding this concept is the ego's front
line defense--an effort to protect us from experiencing pain. The
ego believes that if we embraced the "f-word" we would be
defenseless at best, and at worst, we would be destroyed
completely. Of course, it doesn't help that most of us have a
somewhat ego- and fear-based understanding of the "f-word" that
makes it less than appealing. The truth is that embracing the
"f-word" is the secret to experiencing genuine freedom in our
lives.

So, what is the "f-word"? Forgiveness.

In order to improve our lives, our relationships, and our
reality, we must learn and practice forgiveness. We must forgive
freely, liberally, and often. We must forgive everything and
everyone--especially the people we are the most reluctant to
forgive. But let's take a few moments to consider the true
nature of forgiveness.

Guy Williams, a friend of mine who also happens to be a minister
of Religious Science, suggested this take on the nature of
forgiveness. Forgiveness simply means to give as before. When we
are angry with someone, when we harbor resentment towards
someone, we have stopped giving to him or her. We no longer give
that person our love or our compassion. They have betrayed us
and caused us pain. And we know what happens anytime we have a
painful experience, right? Our egos immediately create a new
frame and a new belief in an effort to protect us from
experiencing that pain again in the future.

Our egos are reluctant to accept the truth that sometimes
unpleasant and painful experiences are unavoidable. Our egos
need to believe that they can protect us. Our egos need a
scapegoat--something (or someone) concrete that can be
identified, isolated and avoided. Holding onto our anger and
resentment keeps us separate from the person or persons who
betrayed us. This, in turn, reinforces the illusion that we are
separate from those individuals, and distances us from the truth
that there is no separation: We are all aspects of All That Is.
The less we remember the truth of who we are, the more our
essential spiritual and life lessons seem to present challenges
rather than opportunities. Everyone always does the best they
can at any given time, and that's all we can ever expect.

It's worth noting that when we choose to hold a grudge and to
remain angry, we carry the pain of the betrayal with us. We
experience a small amount of pain each time we think of it. The
ego actually wants us to experience this pain, because the
little pain will serve to remind us how important it is to avoid
the big pain. And the only way to avoid the big pain is to
protect ourselves from close, supportive relationships with
those who have hurt or betrayed us.

Frequently, the person that we most need to forgive is our self.
We betray ourselves each time we listen to the ego and forget
the truth of who we are. And the more we betray ourselves, the
more our egos try to protect us (from ourselves, yet!) by
strengthening the illusion of separation from the Source. And of
course, the more we believe the illusion of separation, the more
we betray ourselves, and experience pain. The way to break out
of this vicious circle is to forgive ourselves--to "give as
before." We must learn to express unconditional love and
compassion for ourselves. As we experience this love and
compassion, we will reconnect with our true selves. And the more
we're able to forgive ourselves, the more we're able to forgive
others.