Introverts Have Rich Inner Worlds

Here is what one Introvert has to say, primarily about her school years. Shelley McIntyre [fictional name for a real person] is a body worker in the Mission Hills area of San Diego. She grew up in northern California. She has a long-established practice and is excellent at what she does. She is an INFP Introvert , a Healer. This is a rare 1% of the population. The other 1% group is the INTJ Introvert, the Mastermind.

Shelly begins, “I’ve always had a rich inner life. Growing up, books were my friends. I’d often rather read than relate to people. I never felt there was anything wrong with that, but I had to hide my library books under my mattress because my mother would find them and return them saying I spent too much time reading!!

“Doing math in school - - especially at the blackboard - - was excruciating because I could always get the right answer, but not know how I got it. - - I saw the whole process, but couldn’t break down the parts to “show my work”. (Intuitive side of me) The problem was, being introverted, I didn’t know how to speak up and defend myself. In fact, that was a major theme in my life - - feeling misunderstood and judged because I was different - - without the words to describe my inner experience in a way that others could relate to. I wasn’t willing to be the “squeaky wheel” whose needs were always addressed because they spoke up!

“In high school, I took drama classes and was in the school drama productions, to challenge myself to “come out” more - - I was perceived as shy because I often kept silent in groups, etc. Even though I enjoyed drama, I still felt more comfortable as part of the crowd onstage, or in singing and dancing roles, not speaking parts.

“I still don’t much enjoy cocktail parties, small talk, initiating phone conversations, speaking to answering machines - - though I’ve, of course, learned to do all that.

“I’ve often felt like a “stranger in a strange land”, as though I didn’t fit in with the norm. I’m overly sensitive to the environment I happen to be in. Other people’s energies distract or often overwhelm me. For example, when my young son was hospitalized years ago, several friends showed up to “support me”, when all I wanted was to be alone to take care of him, keep him calm, pray . . . . I don’t often like to be consoled or comforted when I’m sick. I just want to withdraw from the world in order to get well.

“The best description I’ve heard of the difference between introverts and extroverts is that introverts get energy by being alone and extroverts get their energy from other people. That’s my experience exactly! I love being around people, but it drains my energy and I need quiet, alone time to restore the balance. I love being alone in nature. It feeds my soul - - as do music, art, beauty . . . . I still would mostly rather experience this alone, than share it with a friend (there are exceptions, of course!)

“The plus side to being an introvert is that I do enjoy a rich inner life. I feel that I’m more inner directed than following any external norm or cultural values . . . . The down side is, I don’t often feel validated by the world - - much of my life I did not feel like my gifts, talents were welcomed or received. I had a different way of knowing, perceiving, expressing, carrying information, and often kept silent because of these multitude of experiences of put downs, ridicule, shame. I know I was often perceived as shy, weak, passive, opinion-less, just because I didn’t speak out.

“So - - it’s often been a lonely life. I don’t readily open up to people until I know and trust them. I often feel vulnerable because my energy often spins inward and I can become an easy mark for taking on other people’s stuff, unless I protect myself.

“At the same time, all this can be a powerful gift. As an adult, I’ve created work that fits my personality, uses my intuitive skills and empathic nature and allows me to share my gifts. What a blessing!

“Growing up, I always longed to “find my people” because I sure didn’t feel like I belonged in my family. As an adult, as I’ve found more and more people like me, who I can resonate with (mostly through women’s consciousness groups and other healers and artists), I’m finally feeling more “at home”.

“As an introvert I tend to gather my seeds and nurture them in the quiet and the darkness of the inner world - - rather than being anxious for them to sprout and grow and be visible in the outer world. In my journey toward wholeness, I’ve found peace in the balance as my inner and outer worlds merge more easily.”