Relinquish Control

One of the greatest illusions of life is that we have control over it. The heartfelt belief that if we just keep control over everything, then nothing adverse will ever happen to us in akin to the old saw, “Hope springs eternal in the human breast.” Sounds good but it ain’t necessarily so.

Too many people send their days trying to control the uncontrollable. And exactly what is the uncontrollable? It is anything that exists outside of ourselves. It is our significant others. It is our jobs, our co-workers and our bosses. It is our children, our parents, our siblings and our friends. In short, the uncontrollable is life.

When we live our lives based on the attempt to control the behavior of others, we are wasting our valuable time and energy. Telling ourselves things like, “He will quit drinking because it means so much to me, and then everything will be fine.” “If I clean until the house is spotless, this time my mother will not criticize me.” “If I just have everything perfect when he gets home, this time he won’t be verbally abusive.” “He is going to change this time.” And on, and on, and on.

The reality is that the other person is not going to change unless they somehow experience a life-altering event, and expecting them to is a waste of time. It isn’t really even fair to them. The people in your life are what they are, and expecting them to change because you want them to is unrealistic. If you have gotten into relationship with someone based on the notion that you can change them is a huge waste of time. You must learn to accept people as they are, not as you want them to be, not as the potential that you can see in them, and not as you wish they would be!

It is unrealistic to expect someone to change for you. If you are in a less-than ideal relationship, then the decision that you need to be making is whether you can live with this person or situation, as it is right now, for the rest of your life. If you can’t, then it may be time to let go of it.

Trying to change people is a subtle form of control. You are trying to alter a person based on your desires. It never works. People change because it is in their own best interests to do so. It is a very selfish and personal thing; it has to be to work.

Relinquishing the desire to control is a huge step forward in your personal development. Learning that the only thing in life that you can control is yourself is the first step to empowerment. If you need it, get help with this. Go get therapy, hire a coach or join a co-dependency group.

When you abandon the wish for better, and begin to change yourself so that you experience better, then and only then will your life change.

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