How to Have the Life You Want! - The Art of Receiving

There's been a lot of public interest recently about the Laws of Attraction, 'The Secret' and such things as 'Cosmic Ordering', but what does this actually mean? Can we really bring the things into our life that we desire or dream about?

At the core of all these things is the Principle of Receiving – the idea that all good things are coming towards us if we could just receive them. If we can become open to receiving, we can, in principle bring absolutely anything into our lives and have any experience we desire – clearly it could be a very powerful ability to have! In the Psychology of Vision model of love and relationships that I use in my counselling work, we assume that a loving connection is always present in our relationships and that our healing comes from learning to accept self-love, our love for other people and their love for us. Receiving in relationships is then about removing any barriers we have to receiving love. For those with a spiritual belief, receiving is about being open to the divine love that is always present in our lives. 

At the outset, it can seem ludicrous to think that we can have anything we desire in life – surely other people and events determine what we experience? While there is some practical truth in this, there is also ample evidence that many of us put barriers in the way of our receiving. We often turn away from positive opportunities or experiences and at times even deliberately (though unconsciously) sabotage them. We can be our own worst enemy. It is in understanding why we do this that we can open the doors in our life to receiving all the rewards, pleasures and fulfilment that we crave.

We must look at our self-esteem for the controlling factor for our ability to receive. If we have low self-esteem we will feel unworthy and therefore undeserving to receive life’s rewards, the love of the people around us, or divine love. Here are some indicators that suggest we might struggle to receive:

 When somebody compliments us we feel awkward, embarrassed or guilty.

We do not enjoy Christmas or Birthdays when we are given gifts.

When we are given a compliment or a gift we my immediately want to reciprocate without giving time to thank or appreciate the giver.

 We never quite reach the point of success or reward. If we do have a success we often lose it quickly or don’t feel good about it.

 We would rather give a present than receive it.

 We hate people making a fuss over us or treating us kindly.

 We are often rushing around looking after everybody else’s well-being or happiness.

 Something important is never present in your life – there is always a feel of lack.

If you recognised any of these you are not alone. An ability to receive fully is at the heart of most human problems. It can usually be traced back to a level of guilt and feeling of failure around our original families, where we subconsciously believe we have let our parents and siblings down. This lowers our self-worth and esteem and makes us feel that we do not deserve to have life’s rewards. Obviously the key is to find self-forgiveness and to feel more worthy.

So how do we move forward and become better receivers? The first thing we can do is to become aware of when we are NOT receiving. Notice the occasions when you are pushing away compliments. If somebody says something nice to you, look them in the eyes and say a heartfelt thank you – really receive their gift. You may not have appreciated it, but when we fail to accept a gift whether physical or emotional, we effectively attack the giver. Of course this is hugely destructive to a relationship. Are you failing to accept your partner’s gifts in your relationship? You can become more open to the love that people are trying to express to you and gradually you will start receiving it. This will have an immediate and positive effect on all other areas of your life.

Although, working to feel worthy to receive is important there is an even quicker way to hone this skill. By giving truly to the people in our lives we automatically open ourselves for receiving. You only need to think about to the times you have fallen in love for an example of this powerful principle. The more you gave to your partner the more they gave in return and vice versa. Giving and receiving are intimately connected. You will however need to make sure that the giving is true by which I mean that it is giving without any expectation of return – the giving comes simply from the joy of the process. Our expectations come from our needs, and if we try to get these met by giving untruly, we will soon get hurt.

 I should mention the more practical aspects of receiving and what is sometimes called manifesting. We can have anything we want in life if we want it 100%. We must remove all barriers to receiving for this to happen. Please remember though that if there is any negativity in your mind, this will also manifest in just the same way. The trick is to make sure that what you want is part of your general desire to increase the amount of love in your life – not to simply distract you from a need or other problem or give you instant gratification. Once you are sure this is the case, visualise having the thing you want with all your heart and all your senses. Then let go completely of the desire and trust that you will receive that thing. If you have successfully removed the emotional barriers, your manifest will appear in your life soon.

 For those with a spiritual interest in receiving, you can visualise that God, heaven or spirit, (or whatever your metaphor for a divine power or presence is), showering love and gifts down to you continually. If this is not happening, visualise a force field that you have created that is causing the gifts to bounce off? Imagine yourself melting or opening up the force field and allowing in all that is intended for you. Feel worthy, and deserving of life’s riches and appreciate all that is good in your life. In this way you can trust that you are blessed and that all that you need for happiness, health, relationships and success will appear at the right time – you will move into the flow of life and become totally abundant.