Ridin’ The Fence

I was asked recently to write a resource for women for assertiveness. After agreeing, I began to research a lot of difference sources to get a good feel for the subject, and it has been very interesting to me!

You don’t really hear the word “assertive” that much anymore, although it was a real catchphrase in the 80’s and 90’s. I have written many things in the past few years on this subject, but I always called it “personal power”. Turns out, these two subjects are virtually interchangeable. When you become assertive in a healthy way it is taking back your personal power. Being assertive in a healthy way requires boundaries. It is a: “I will go just this far but no farther” sort of thing.

Boundaries are very personal. Where one person needs a boundary may be much too close for one person, or much too far away for another. Ever within one individual, what is a boundary in one situation is often neglected in another.

And, I also discovered that boundaries are very flexible things! I personally am quite good at holding my boundaries with my husband, yet I am not as good with them when it concerns my son. And yet my son is the one who stomps all over my boundaries without a thought while my husband is respectful of them.

Point being, it is a lot easier to hold to your boundaries with someone who respects them, but when faced with opposition on an emotional level, boundaries are a lot harder to hold.

I have begun to envision boundaries like a fence on the open range. Imagine a huge ranch in Montana, for instance. When one has miles and miles of fences, it then is necessary to “ride” them, searching for places where the fence may have fallen down. I am reminded of the old Eagles song, Desperado: "Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin' fences for so long now”…

So, in working on this resource, I learned something valuable for myself. I am coming to my senses! A boundary is no good at all if it only works when things are easy. The fence has got to hold up to resistance or it is no fence at all. And the base reason why we can’t hold our own in these emotional situations is fear. “If I do this, what will happen?” Well, we can’t control anyone but ourselves, and we can’t control outside situations! If I have to live inside this fence then I need to make it be as comfortable for myself in there as possible. Because I deserve to be happy, empowered and at peace. And so do you!

When you learn that you are just as deserving of respect as anyone else, you will begin to build your boundary/fence, and to hold to it. If your fence needs to be ridden to find the areas that are weak or down, do it. The rewards are immeasurable, and the consequences of a weak boundary are a life that is less than you deserve.

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