Sober From Clutter - Part 3

Sober From Clutter - Part Three
By: Janet L. Hall

You've heard the old saying, " The best gift to give someone
is something you would like or buy for yourself." WRONG!
We are individuals, and we each have our own personal
style, wants, desires, and needs.

But it can be so wonderful to receive a gift! Especially if the
gift is something you've been yearning for or needing.

And one should always accept gifts and give gifts
FREELY.... without any strings attached.

If a gift giver gives you a gift, FREELY, then it belongs to you
and only you. You can do with it whatever you want! It's
yours; you own it now. It's now your property!

But on the other hand, if the gift giver gives you a gift with
strings attached, then they really didn't give you a gift.

You know your gift has strings attached if the gift giver:

>>Expects you to keep it forever.
>>Expects to see you enjoying, using, or displaying their gift.
>>Asks, "Where is such and such?"
>>Asks, "Why don't I ever see you using such and such?"

Instead of a gift, they've given you fear, guilt, and a burden
that you must keep their gift, carry it around, and display it.

Many fear they must hang onto gifts given to them. Even if
never used. Even if they don't like it. Even if it doesn't fit
their needs. Fearing by giving it away they will betray the gift
giver...guilt! So they continue to hang onto those gifts, even
if that person is no longer in their life! Oh the power they
have over you.

Many times, as we get older, it's hard for others to know
what to give us. Especially if you just tell them, "nothing," or
"I really don't need anything," when asked what you'd like.

With responses like that the gift giver has no way of knowing
what you really want. And besides that, it puts them in an
awkward position--What to buy you!

So the gift giver buys you what THEY believe you might like
or need, trying to please you, and by the way, spending their
hard-earned money on a "special" gift for you. Their
perception of what you'd like or could use is their personal
belief - not yours. Again, look at how much power you are
giving a gift giver when you don't tell them what you really
want!

Terry Cole-Whittaker states in her book, "What You Think Of
Me is None of My Business," that there are only two types of
guilt: "...real guilt and false guilt. False guilt is that guilt
which is laid upon you by others in their efforts to control you
and to make you responsible for their lives....Guilt-false or
real-is a personal burden, it creates a vicious circle. To free
yourself of guilt, you lay it on to others, who, in turn, give it
back, and so on and on."

If you give away something that was given to you, and then
the gift giver makes you feel guilty, this is false guilt, in the
sense that you didn't do anything wrong by not using,
displaying, or giving the gift away that you should feel guilty
about. It became your property, to do with what you want if
given to you freely, when given to you. Period!

The next time a gift giver asks why they don't see their gift or
you ever using it, then you'll know the gift wasn't given
FREELY.

Do you ever look for the gift or inquire about a gift that you
gave someone? Do you do the same thing to others when
you give gifts, making them feel guilty? Be aware, and stop
asking. Give your gifts freely, no strings attached, no
preconceived notion that they will keep and use the gift
forever.

Did your parents, grandparents, great grandparents, aunts
and uncles, siblings, and friends give you their personal
belief system regarding gifts, such as NEVER EVER get rid
of a gift given to you? Sure they did and they might still!

You may be carrying around other's personal beliefs that are
causing these guilty feelings:

When you were a young child, did someone scold you
because you voiced your opinion of an unwanted gift or of
not getting what you really hoped or asked for?

Were you punished to the point that you vowed never again
to voice your opinion, let alone your desires?

What are your beliefs regarding a gift given to you?
Meaning, what would you like to do with your unwanted
gifts?

So what does one do when they receive a gift they dislike, or
don't need another one of? Do you grin, politely say thank
you, and toss it onto the pile of other unwanted, unused
gifts? You couldn't bear to give it away to someone that
could use or love it. You feel guilty if you do.

There's no one here to judge you. What do you feel like
doing with all the gifts you've gotten and never used?

How can you stop feeling guilty of holding on to piles of gifts
that are unwanted by you but that might be treasures to
someone else?

1. Stop living with the fear that the gift giver might inquire
about their gift. As Paula Langguth Ryan talks about in her
seminar, "Break the Debt Cycle for Good,"..."If the gift giver
asks where their gift is that you have given to another, you
might reply something like: So and so admired it so much or
was in need that I gave it to her."

2. Choose not to feel guilty, and give up blaming others for
your guilt beliefs. Today, choose your own beliefs of what
you can do with gifts that are given to you.

3. Take the risk today of overcoming your fear of losing the
relationship with the gift giver, and of overcoming the guilt of
giving the gift givers gifts away. If your relationship with the
gift giver is good and supportive, I believe they will not judge
you but rather support you in your choice to share your gifts.

4. Replace your negative feelings, guilt and fear, with
positive feelings. It's really okay to let go of things that
belong to you that you no longer use or have a need for.

5. Give yourself permission TODAY not to feel guilty and to
let go of all your unused and unwanted gifts.

6. Have the courage to get rid of the gifts that are taking up
your precious space.

7. Don't judge yourself or let others judge you for sharing
your gifts with others.

8. Remember the gift givers aren't responsible for your
happiness or your stuff...YOU are!

Tips to help you receive the gifts you REALLY want:

>>Start keeping a gift list of every dream, desire, and whim
of things you want or need. Don't think of the cost, and
please don't think you are not deserving.

>>Share your gift list when asked what you want. Don't be
shy about this.

>>Be specific, if you want a particular book, list the author
and name of book.

>>List your sizes, and color preferences.

>>Give the gift giver three to four choices with different price
ranges.

>>Don't give the same list to everyone.

Following the above steps will lift the burden of the gift giver
of trying to stand in your shoes, and decide for you what you
need or could use. And believe me, the gift giver will
appreciate a gift list more then a, "I don't need anything."
Don't forget to get the same information from others when
you become the gift giver.

The things you have around you should nurture you, and
give you positive energy. So, clear off the tops of your
closets, the corners of the basement, and the attic of all the
gifts you've stashed away, never used, and give all that stuff
away, today, freely, and hang your gift guilt beliefs up
forever!

****
For additional help: The Organizing and Feng Shui Wizard,
Janet L. Hall, FSII has a FREE newsletter, OverHall IT! at
http://www.overhall.com/newsletter.htm and many
organizational products for your office, home, and computer
at http://www.overhall.com/products.htm
Janet is a Professional Organizer, Certified Feng Shui
Practitioner, Speaker, and Author and can help you regain
control of your life, your time, your stuff, and your
environment.

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