Taking turns is not just for children! When lovers take turns giving and receiving with each other, they find new sensual and sexual pleasures and skills. Here's how!
Taking turns may conjure up childhood memories, pleasant or unpleasant. For lovers, taking turns giving and receiving pleasure from each other can lead to new discoveries of sensual and sexual joy.
I have been surprised to discover how many people resist the idea of taking turns. Some say it doesn't feel very romantic, or too elementary, as if it were a step backwards. They think love-making is all about giving all the time, as if it were a magical zone.
When taking turns receiving and giving, most people will feel uncomfortable in one or the other - most commonly, the 'receiving' turn. And that when they are uncomfortable receiving, they were not able to receive much in that magical zone they were talking about so enthusiastically. If you avoid receiving because it is a little uncomfortable, the zone is no longer magic.
Taking turns does several things.
1. It requires you to spend some time in each role. As mentioned, very often people are more comfortable in one or the other, usually in giving. Taking turns keeps you from accidentally avoiding one or the other, and lets you learn to relax and enjoy both sides, a little at a time.
2. It requires the one who is usually 'doing' to make room for the one who usually does less. Many men wish their women would take more initiative, but at the same time have not yet learned to allow the space for her to do so.
3. It creates the time and permission to try new things you may be curious about. It's easier to receive when you have been generous with your lover, and easier to give when she has been generous with you.
4. It requires you to gradually and gently learn to ask for what you want. It's easier to ask for 5 minutes than it is for a whole evening.
How to get started?
1. Agree to try a little experiment. Make it playful. It does not have to be an exercise! After all, you are going to do something you have always wanted!
2. Agree how much time you want to spend, divide it up equally, and stick to the clock. No fair giving away your half - you probably already know how to do that.
3. Agree to what anatomy or activity is included or not. This makes it easier to choose what you would like, within those limits.
4. Start with fairly short turns, and lengthen them as you gain comfort and confidence. 5 minutes can be feel quite long if you are not accustomed to it.
5. Give each other this invitation - How would you like me to touch for the next 5 (or 10, 20, 30 or what have you) minutes?
And finally - when it's your turn - let yourself soak it in! Don't try to give back - you will have a chance to experience that part too!
Enjoy!
