Thought cannot heal a broken heart, and thinking will never open a heart that is closed. Only feeling can accomplish such miracles. In a truly committed relationship you dare to start breaking open locks and knocking down walls.
"Twelve Keys to the Kingdom of Your Heart’s Desire"
Thought cannot heal a broken heart, and thinking will never open a heart that is closed. Only feeling can accomplish such miracles. As Blaise Pascal said long ago, “The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of.” The keys to healing and opening your heart can be found not in rationality but in the realms of emotion, energy, and spirit. You enter these mysterious domains through a relationship when you surrender fully to the joys and sorrows of giving and receiving love. In a truly committed relationship you dare to start breaking open locks and knocking down walls. Here are the keys necessary and sufficient to open every lock upon your heart. Self-love Without self-love there can be no love for another. Loving yourself is the secure foundation for all enduring relationships. Loving yourself keeps you going as long as there is hope of a breakthrough in a troubled relationship. Loving yourself gives you the courage to leave a bad relationship. It is the fountain from which flow your love, compassion, and generosity toward the soul mate you adore. Intimacy An intimate emotional, energetic, and spiritual connection with your lover will pick the mechanism of the trickiest lock. Sexual and spiritual ecstasy requires that the boundaries between you come down. Your armor must drop away. In a relationship there is no other way to reach the highest joy. Real strength includes emotional vulnerability and the transparency of desire, allowing another person in to know all of you, including your perceived weaknesses as well as your strengths. Acting as if you were invulnerable, a mask designed to fool the world, is really only a self-delusion, like that of the man who wears a cheap toupee and assumes no one notices. Commitment Commitment is the determination to stand together through life’s joys and sorrows, to maintain your vows of union, and to grow old together in love. It includes a willingness to avoid behaviors that threaten or endanger your relationship, particularly in sexual expression which activates the emotional pitfalls of insecurity, fear, and jealousy. Commitment does not mean you cannot love any other, but it does mean that sexual love is exclusive to your chosen soul mate. Selflessness When acting selflessly, with your focus on others rather than you alone, you respect your partner and serve the larger world community. Selflessness stimulates empathy (the capacity to participate in another’s emotions) and considers: “How will what I do or don’t do affect the well-being of the one I love, of those closest to me, and of all others in this world?” Kindness Kindness, almost synonymous for love, is always unconditionally given without any expectations. How much have you dropped kindness from your behavior vocabulary with your lover? How much have your interactions become exchanges in which you give something only if there is a guarantee you’ll receive something in return? When was your last random act of kindness toward your soul mate? Daring To be emotionally vulnerable, to make your fears, longings, and desires transparent, is to risk being judged, rejected, abandoned, and hurt. Daring to take such risks requires uncommon courage, especially if you have already been stung by betrayal. And yet there can be no open heart without risk taking. Trust Trust is a form of faith. In spite of past experiences of deceit or betrayal, you act to support your present relationship in love, kindness, and selflessness. You give and give some more, never counting the cost. You know that your actions will help bring out the very best in the one you love and that more love, more happiness, and more joy will come to both of you as well as to those around you. Truth It’s true: The truth will set you free. You can’t have the relationship you do want if you settle for one you don’t want. Revealing your heart’s desires to the one you love helps clear away the excess baggage of self-pity, suffering, doubt, and fear. Any relationship that cannot stand the truth will wither and die. Unconditional Love Like kindness, unconditional love acts without expectation of reward or result. You give just to give. Nevertheless, unconditional love does not mean that lovers don’t help each other grow. You reject disrespect, abuse, or deceit. Unconditional love does not encourage you to stay in a really bad relationship. With unconditional love, you can love someone even if you don’t like him. Moreover, you can love someone even if you can’t stay in relationship with her. Forgiveness Forgiveness is for you as much as for the one forgiven. You might not forget past transgressions, but you can gain the freedom to act as if they never happened. Forgiveness, however, is not blindness. You do not continue to accept the same hurtful behavior over and over again. You might be able to forgive someone who has harmed you, but you reject further mistreatment. Pleasure In a relationship, the giving of pleasure brings exquisite pleasure to the giver. Few things feel as good as completely pleasing your partner. Since giving and receiving pleasure are not only emotional acts but also spiritual, sensual and sexual pleasure can become gateways to spiritual awakening. Aren’t you a better person when you regularly experience pleasure? According to neuropsychologist James Prescott, “Physical affectional pleasure is not only moral but is morally necessary if we are to become moral and spiritual persons in our common bond with humanity." Romance Just as sensual nutrition is food for your Body Freedom, so is romance sustenance for your Heart Freedom. Romance simply involves repeatedly affirming how important your lover is to you. In the first heady days of falling in love, even the most unimaginative lover shows romantic behaviors. The trick of romance is to continue your amorous attentions after the early blush of romantic infatuation has faded. Romance means making time for each other as lovers. Tell your mate how lovely she is. Assure your partner that you admire him. Small, affectionate tasks that require more effort than dollars (writing a poem or singing a love song) are just as much part of the lover’s repertoire as big ticket items like jewelry, candlelit dinners, and exotic vacations. Remember, the essential part is to recognize and demonstrate how important your relationship is to you.
Keys to your Heart Kingdom
Excerpted from our book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007
4 Freedoms Integration Exercise - Under the Sky
Know that you are part of this wondrous vastness. The universe or cosmos contains everything that exists. The universe is believed to "vibrate" out of "strings." According to Dan Falk, "Each string is as small compared to an atom as an atom is compared to the solar system."
4 Freedoms Integration Exercise - What's Good?
Generally your consciousness works to create more of what you pay attention to. Be careful what you pay attention to because you are going to get more of it.
4 Freedoms Integration Exercise - Seeing in the Dark
This exercise forces you to rely on senses other than sight. You might be amazed at how much you rely on sight for so many things. You might also be amazed at how many things you can do for yourself without being able to see.
