To influence others is to be able to change their opinion, and that is best achieved by using both masculine and feminine energy. Women have two X chromosomes and men have an XY chromosome.
Women have two X chromosomes,
which means they tend to be shorter and weaker than men; they also tend to be more communicative and nurturing, and generally show more feminine energy. Men have an XY chromosome, which means they tend to be taller and stronger than women; they also have more masculine energy, tending to be more aggressive, independent, and goal-oriented.
But just as some women are taller than most men, there will be women who have more masculine energy than their male counterparts. I am one such woman. A biologist at my office used to say that the bottom of one of my Xs must have fallen off, because it looked suspiciously like a Y. "There's a lot of man in your woman," he would tease me.
We each have masculine and feminine energy in us, and by developing our opposite we'll be able to access whichever energy is most appropriate for the situation—something I call "good Gender Physics." Feminine energy is all about the collective, so it naturally forms relationships. This ability to "tend and befriend" is important when it comes to influencing people, as people are more readily influenced by those they like and trust. Meanwhile, masculine energy is action-oriented and directive. People are influenced by this domineering demeanor, as they recognize that the leader is there to take control and protect them.
Betty-Ann Heggie Both energies are valuable as long as they are balanced with the other, so it's important not to let one energy dominate. Too much masculine energy, and people will see you as pushy and uncaring; too much feminine energy, and you'll be perceived as wishy-washy and not worth listening to.
To use both your masculine and feminine energy to influence others, use a combination of both story-telling and facts:
1) Facts: Masculine energy loves to use facts, because it wants to definitively establish what's right and what's wrong. But facts don't always tell the whole story—remember the old saying, "figures lie and liars figure?" Still, carefully-chosen facts used to reinforce a position can be an effective way of establishing credibility, and can be beneficial by forcing analysis. But they can also be viewed as aggressive and declaring, separating the listener from the presenter. It's tempting for an individual with an over-abundance of masculine energy to use facts to establish a pecking order. This "one-upmanship" creates a win-lose situation which decrease one's ability to influence.
2) Story-telling: Feminine energy loves to tell stories, as they demonstrate that "we are all in this together." Unlike masculine energy that sees life as black and white, feminine energy sees it as shades of grey. Stories also reinforce our culture by establishing our values and ethics, which is one of the primary aspirations of feminine energy. Finally, stories are experiential and tap into our senses and feelings. Listeners visualize images, hear sounds, and feel emotions. They more easily trust what is being said and are influenced by the speaker. Unlike the use of facts, stories aren't seen as authoritarian, but rather ensure an empathetic connection. (Still, a story without facts can be seen as total fabrication or a fairy tale!)
Facts and storytelling are as intertwined as masculine and feminine energy—they're each more effective when integrated with the other. I saw this in action during my corporate career. A CEO that I worked for was a master at influencing others, and he did it with a mix of facts and stories. He always assembled his facts and could spit them out faster than a computer if a situation called for putting another in his place. But he really shone when he told a story, and he used this feminine energy tactic often and to his advantage. Many times over the years of working for him I watched him win over a tough adversary by telling a story. He not only engaged his listener's emotions, but made his point stick through the effective use of facts.
The X and Why of influencing others calls upon each of us to develop our opposite so that we can use both masculine energy facts and feminine energy stories to achieve our goals. The combination will make a real impact as we win both the hearts and minds of our listeners. What are some of your stories? And what facts get you there?
