Although it may not seem true, if we think about it, we will come to realize that there are always more nos than yeses. We will be turned down more often than not. The good news is that the more nos we get the more the yeses will increase. It is a numbers game. The more often we ask the more our chances of success increase.
If, just for fun, we took a jar and put a penny in it for every no we received and took out a penny for every yes, we would never empty the jar. The nos will far exceed the yeses. There is of course one way to limit the number of nos one receives, and that is to never ask. No comes from putting ourselves out there, being brave and taking risks. The good news is that being brave and taking risks usually doesn't call for any extra human capabilities. It could be as simple as asking someone out on a date or applying for a new job. A simple yes is easy, but most likely not. It is never easy to stretch our comfort zone and take the risk of being rejected. Thankfully, no one dies from rejection, and no simply means next opportunity.
In an interview with actress Christina Applegate, she shares how being a teen star actually made it more difficult to break into adult acting. After ten years starring as Kelly Bundee on the television sitcom "Married with Children," Applegate found it difficult to land adult acting parts. "You give everything you have and it's “No!. You hear no so many more times than yes.". Fortunately, Applegate did not give up, and ten years after her teen success, she has created a successful adult acting career. For Applegate, as with the rest of us, no doesn't mean stop, it means keep going. No is just one more hurdle closer to yes.
Although hearing no and receiving rejection isn't easy, it is a part of life. We may never become totally comfortable with rejection, and we can come to realize that no isn't a stopping point. No is a sign that a new opportunity is around the corner. No never means the end unless we want it to. It means that we have to find a different way, look in a different direction, ask someone else, or ask in a different way. I received 47 nos when trying to find a publisher for my book. Had I stopped at any one of those nos, I would have missed out on the 48th one that said yes. No just means "next opportunity." Learn to take no in your stride and whatever you do - don't take it personally. When people say no, it doesn't mean anything about you, it is all about them. They may not be interested. They might not understand the opportunity, or even what you are offering, or they simply may not be in a place to say yes. Whatever their reason, don't let it become your excuse to stop.
Find someone who does see the value, apreciates what you have to offer and has the ability and power to say yes.
You Can't Have An Intelligent Conversation With Everyone
Intelligent conversation is one of life's pleasures. I love nothing better than to engage in conversation with someone who has ideas to share, different perspectives, and is interesting. An intelligent conversation is food for the brain. All too sadly, not everyone can carry on an intelligent conversation. This has less to do with their intelligence quotient (IQ) than with their emotional quotient (EQ). Only a self-aware, self-confident person with excellent social skills has the ability to engage in intelligent conversation.
Don't Be Jealous - Be Inspired
When we see people do things we cannot do, or have things we don't have, it might be tempting to be a little jealous. But, jealousy doesn't lead to anything except resentment, and that isn't going to help you. Instead of being jealous of others, focus on being inspired. Let the success of others move you forward toward your own success. After all, people who are doing things you want to do or have things you want are examples of what is possible for you.
Commit to Doing 80%
Instead of trying to be perfect, it is better to do your best, and often your best doesn't look like going all out all the time. This is especially true when you are making changes in your life. Instead of setting yourself up for disappointment and failure, allow yourself some room to breathe and not be perfect. Life is a process and it takes time, so commit to doing your best 80% of the time and implement the new change slowly, but consistently.
