"Working on the relationship" for a couple recovering from infidelity often becomes drudgery. Learn why "working on the relationship" leads to unwanted results.
Couples dealing with the aftermath of an affair often receive the well-meaning advice to "work on their relationship." However, this advice can sometimes do more harm than good. Here’s a deeper look into why this might be the case:
The notion of "working on the relationship" typically comes with a set of implicit "shoulds" and "musts." Couples feel pressured to behave, think, and feel in certain ways to deem their efforts successful. This creates a tense atmosphere, where both partners may feel like they are walking on eggshells, fearing that any wrong move could lead to failure.
In an effort to be "nice" or avoid conflict, partners may act in ways that are not true to their feelings. This behavior prevents honest communication and may bury important truths that need to be addressed for genuine healing to occur.
Finding a middle ground is often seen as a solution for conflict resolution. However, it's possible that there is no common ground, or that the differences between partners are what provide vitality and passion to the relationship. Embracing these differences rather than smoothing them over can sometimes be more beneficial.
When one partner consistently sacrifices their needs for the happiness of the other, it can lead to resentment. This imbalance often results in one or both partners feeling that their efforts are not being reciprocated, which can erode the relationship over time.
"Working on the relationship" can sometimes mean skimming over deeper issues without truly exploring them. This lack of depth prevents the growth and understanding needed for a strong, resilient relationship.
Without a thorough exploration of each partner's differences and a healthy approach to conflict, couples may revert to old, destructive communication patterns and behaviors. This backsliding prevents progress and keeps the relationship in a state of dysfunction.
Instead of merely trying to "work on" the relationship, couples might consider a complete overhaul. The crisis of infidelity, while painful, offers a unique opportunity to completely redesign and improve the relationship, using the insights gained from the experience.
For couples navigating the painful waters of infidelity, considering these points can lead to a more effective and transformative recovery process. Rather than sticking to conventional methods that may not suit every relationship, exploring alternative approaches like comprehensive therapy or radical honesty might be the key to a healthier, more fulfilling partnership.
In conclusion, while the instinct may be to mend the relationship through traditional means, it's important for couples to evaluate whether these methods are truly beneficial for their unique situation. Sometimes, stepping away from the norm and considering a fresh approach can lead to more meaningful and lasting resolutions.
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