Coping with Your Stalker

Understanding Stalkers

The Persistence of Abuse by Proxy

Abuse by proxy refers to the continuation of abusive behaviors even after a relationship has officially ended. While most abusers eventually move on, a subset remains fixated on their former partners, engaging in stalking behaviors. According to Zona (1993) and Geberth (1992), these stalkers are often classified as "Simple Obsessional" or "Rejected" (Mullen & Pathe, 1999). They seek to maintain a semblance of the dissolved relationship and punish their victims for rejecting them.

Characteristics of Stalkers

Stalkers come from diverse backgrounds and can be of any gender, race, or social status. However, they often share certain traits:

• Personality Disorders: Many stalkers suffer from comorbid personality disorders, such as narcissistic personality disorder, which leads to a lack of empathy and a sense of omnipotence.
• Emotional and Anger Management Issues: Stalkers frequently struggle with emotional regulation and anger management.
• Substance Abuse: A significant number of stalkers abuse drugs or alcohol.
• Loneliness and Unemployment: Stalkers are typically lonely and may be intermittently unemployed.

Contrary to popular belief, most stalkers are men with high IQs, advanced degrees, and are middle-aged (Meloy & Gothard, 1995; Morrison, 2001).

The Psychology of Rejected Stalkers

Rejected stalkers are particularly intrusive and persistent. They do not respect personal or legal boundaries and often interpret rejection as a sign of continued interest from their victims. This makes them extremely difficult to deter. Many rejected stalkers are narcissists, lacking empathy and feeling immune to the consequences of their actions. They often possess an uncanny ability to psychologically manipulate others, using this skill to control and torment their victims.

The Impact of Stalking

Emotional and Psychological Effects

Stalking can have severe emotional and psychological effects on victims, including:

• Anxiety and Depression: Victims often experience heightened anxiety and depression due to the constant fear and stress of being stalked.
• PTSD: Post-traumatic stress disorder is common among stalking victims, leading to flashbacks, nightmares, and severe anxiety.
• Isolation: Victims may isolate themselves to avoid their stalker, leading to loneliness and a lack of social support.

Physical Safety Concerns

While not all stalkers resort to physical violence, the risk is always present. Stalkers' emotional instability and lack of boundaries can escalate to violent behavior, putting victims at significant risk.

Coping Strategies

Legal Measures

Taking legal action is a crucial step in protecting oneself from a stalker. This can include:

• Restraining Orders: Obtaining a restraining order can legally prohibit the stalker from contacting or approaching the victim.
• Documenting Incidents: Keeping detailed records of stalking incidents can provide valuable evidence in legal proceedings.

Personal Safety Measures

Victims can take several personal safety measures to protect themselves:

• Changing Routines: Altering daily routines can make it more difficult for the stalker to predict the victim's movements.
• Securing Personal Information: Ensuring that personal information, such as home addresses and phone numbers, is kept private can reduce the risk of being located by the stalker.
• Seeking Support: Joining support groups or seeking therapy can provide emotional support and practical advice for dealing with a stalker.

Technological Safeguards

In today's digital age, stalkers often use technology to track and harass their victims. Implementing technological safeguards is essential:

• Privacy Settings: Adjusting privacy settings on social media platforms can limit the stalker's access to personal information.
• Cybersecurity: Using strong passwords and enabling two-factor authentication can protect against hacking and unauthorized access to personal accounts.

Conclusion

Stalking is a serious issue that can have profound emotional, psychological, and physical effects on victims. Understanding the characteristics and motivations of stalkers is crucial in developing effective coping strategies. By taking legal measures, implementing personal safety precautions, and utilizing technological safeguards, victims can protect themselves and regain control over their lives.

Additional Reading

For further information on the topic, consider reading the following studies:

• Zona, M.A., Sharma, K.K., & Lane, J. (1993). A Comparative Study of Erotomanic and Obsessional Subjects in a Forensic Sample. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 38(4), 894-903.
• Geberth, V. (1992). Stalkers. Law and Order, 40, 138-140.
• Mullen, P.E., Pathé, M., Purcell, R., & Stuart, G.W. (1999). Study of Stalkers. American Journal of Psychiatry, 156(8), 1244-1249.
• Meloy, J.R., & Gothard, S. (1995). Demographic and Clinical Comparison of Obsessional Followers and Offenders with Mental Disorders. American Journal of Psychiatry, 152(2), 258-263.
• Morrison, K.A. (2001). Predicting Violent Behavior in Stalkers - A Preliminary Investigation of Canadian Cases in Criminal Harassment. Journal of Forensic Sciences, 46(6), 1403-1410.

For more information on narcissistic behaviors and their impact on relationships, visit Psychology Today.

This article provides a comprehensive overview of the characteristics and behaviors of stalkers, the impact on victims, and strategies for coping with stalking. By understanding the psychology of stalkers and taking proactive measures, victims can protect themselves and seek justice.