Handbags, Purses, and Toolboxes: A Man's Misadventure in Gift Shopping

The Quest Begins

You'd think by now I'd have learned that some tasks are best left to those with the right expertise. But no, I decided to buy my friend a handbag. How hard could it be? After all, I've never had trouble picking out toolboxes or file cabinets. So, I walked into a store, brimming with confidence.

"Hi, I'd like to buy a handbag for a friend," I said to the smiling saleswoman.

"What kind of handbag?" she asked, her eyes twinkling with curiosity.

"Uh... one that carries stuff?" I replied, feeling a bit out of my depth.

The Many Faces of Handbags

The saleswoman, whom I'll call SalesLady, began to explain the myriad types of handbags available. "There are many kinds," she said enthusiastically. "There's at least one for every occasion and several for every personality. What is your friend like?"

I tried to think. Unfortunately, the only thought that came to mind was that maybe I should just head to the hardware store and buy her a sturdy 205-piece socket set on sale for $74.99.

"Is she a bit wild?" SalesLady probed. "If so, we have these exciting leopard print handbags. Perfect for a night out."

I tried to picture my friend with a leopard print handbag. "I don't think 'wild' quite describes her," I said.

"Ah, well, these corset bags are not quite as wild," she offered.

I blushed at the sight. "That might be a bit too stylish for her. She's more... uh..."

"Conservative!" SalesLady piped in. "Here are some classic handbags for more conservative tastes."

I looked at the bags. "I don't know. These look kind of boring to me."

SalesLady was taken aback. "Boring? These are for professionals. They say your friend has arrived. They say she is climbing the corporate ladder. They say, 'I am somebody.' Would you call Bill Gates boring? Would you call Donald Trump boring?"

"Donald Trump wears one of these?" I asked, genuinely puzzled.

The look on SalesLady's face said it all: "Men!"

The Casual Conundrum

"I don't think my friend is much of a professional corporate type. She's more casual," I explained.

"Casual? We can do casual," SalesLady assured me. "Check out these suede handbags. Feel that texture. Soft as a baby's bottom."

"Hey, they are soft. They'd be great for pillow fights," I said, immediately regretting my words.

SalesLady was taken aback again. "Ladies do not engage in pillow fights."

I considered the suede handbags for a moment. "I think my friend might like something a little more trendy. Do you have anything trendy?"

"Trendy? You want trendy? We have lots of trendy!" SalesLady got all excited. "How about this very popular high heel shoe handbag?" she offered.

I had to admit it was original. And trendy. But I wasn't sure about giving my friend a bag she could kick me with.

SalesLady read my mind. "I know," she sighed. "You men all cower at the sight of the high heel shoe handbag. How about an equally trendy jelly handbag instead?"

I turned it over a few times. "Where's the peanut butter?" I joked.

SalesLady snapped the bag back and handed me another. "Your friend will love these Initial bags," she said, showing me several bags with a single classy letter affixed to each. I considered how many bags my friend would have to carry to spell "Help, my dorky friend bought me too many handbags." I asked what else she could show me.

She brought out a handbag covered with lip prints. My eyes opened wide. "Wow. How come a handbag gets all the puckers?"

"They are not real," SalesLady assured me.

"It's still better than I've ever gotten," I muttered.

SalesLady mercifully ignored my comment. "How about these vinyl horoscope handbags?"

"Now you're talking! My friend loves horoscopes."

SalesLady looked relieved.

"But..."

"I know," SalesLady interrupted. "She can find her horoscope in the newspaper. Let's try something else. How about these little evening handbags?"

I looked at the tiny purses. "They are cute, but they don't have much room to carry, say, a chainsaw."

The Final Decision

An hour later, I found myself at the hardware store. The sales clerk rang up my purchase. "That'll be $29," she said.

I handed her the money. "Thank you," I smiled. "I thought about getting the 205-piece socket set for my friend, but I know she will love this new handbag."

"Handbag?" asked the confused clerk, staring at the toolbox in my hand.

"Yes. And if she doesn't, at least she can't kick me with it."

The Handbag Industry: A Few Surprising Stats

• The global handbag market was valued at approximately $47 billion in 2020 and is expected to reach $78 billion by 2026, growing at a CAGR of 8.5% (Source: Statista).
• The average woman owns 7 handbags, but 10% of women own more than 20 (Source: Vogue).
• The most expensive handbag ever sold is the Mouawad 1001 Nights Diamond Purse, which was sold for $3.8 million (Source: Guinness World Records).

Navigating the world of handbags can be a humorous and enlightening experience, especially for those more familiar with toolboxes and hardware. Whether you're buying for a friend or yourself, understanding the variety and significance of handbags can make the process a lot more enjoyable.