Your Daughter Can Brush Her Own Hair

The Importance of Letting Go

Robin Wolaner, the visionary behind Parenting magazine, launched the publication in 1987 and later sold it to Time Inc., where she served as CEO of Sunset Publishing. She is also the author of “Naked in the Boardroom: A CEO Bares Her Secrets So You Can Transform Your Career” and the founder of TeeBeeDee, a networking site for individuals over 40.

The Struggles of a Working Mother

Maintaining a polished appearance is time-consuming. As a working mother, I had to forgo regular manicures and even switched to a wash-and-wear hairstyle to save time. I also abandoned skirts to avoid the hassle of keeping a stock of unsnagged pantyhose.

While I could easily make these trade-offs for myself, I initially felt guilty when I saw other children impeccably dressed, with boys sporting neat haircuts and girls adorned with barrettes and braids. I had to let go of the notion that my children's grooming was a reflection of me. I rationalized that if they didn't brush their teeth twice a day, they would face the consequences. This approach was intended to foster self-discipline, but the reality was that I simply couldn't manage everything.

The Rise of Helicopter Parenting

As the founder of Parenting Magazine, I feel somewhat responsible for the emergence of "helicopter parents" who hover over their children, experiencing their successes and failures as their own. This phenomenon starts early. Non-working mothers often compete with each other for the best-dressed child, the most nutritious lunch, and the fullest schedule of extracurricular activities. Working mothers, already competing in the workplace, don't have the time for such competitions.

The Benefits of Limited Time

Working mothers may feel guilty about their children's less-than-perfect appearance, but this lack of time can be a blessing in disguise. It spares us from the superficial competition of achieving "wins" through our children's looks and performance. While we may feel a twinge of guilt when our daughters don't have perfect hair or our sons wear wrinkled clothes, these children learn valuable lessons in self-care.

The Wisdom of Letting Go

It's challenging to let go of the visible signs of a pampered child. However, the sooner a working mother can stop feeling responsible for every aspect of her child's life, the sooner that child can develop the resilience and self-sufficiency that will empower them later in life. Leslie Jacobs, the founder of a large insurance agency, once told me, "When they get old enough to care what their hair looks like, they will brush it." This wisdom is echoed in my book, “Naked in the Boardroom: A CEO Bares Her Secrets So You Can Transform Your Career” (Simon & Schuster, 2005).

Avoiding Gender Stereotypes

I don't want to perpetuate gender stereotypes, as there are equivalent acts of personal grooming for boys. In my case, being Jewish, circumcision was almost a given. However, the thought did cross my mind that future nagging about cleanliness would be one less thing on my list.

Conclusion

The journey of a working mother is fraught with challenges and trade-offs. However, by letting go of the need to manage every detail of our children's lives, we can help them develop the resilience and self-sufficiency they need to thrive. This approach not only benefits our children but also frees us from the superficial competitions that can consume our time and energy.

Sources:

1. Parenting Magazine
2. Naked in the Boardroom: A CEO Bares Her Secrets So You Can Transform Your Career
3. Time Inc.

Interesting Stats:

• According to a study by the Pew Research Center, 72% of working mothers say they feel rushed, compared to 52% of non-working mothers. (Pew Research Center)
• A survey by the American Psychological Association found that 75% of working mothers experience stress related to balancing work and family responsibilities. (American Psychological Association)

© 2023 Laura Lowell