Keep Your Foot Out of Your Mouth!

Things never to say on a date (especially the first one):

Woman: “Does this make me look fat?” or “Do I look okay?”
Man: (hesitation before saying anything!)

Men, never hesitate when asked this question. I don’t care if she looks like a whale stuffed in a sausage casing, if you want to get anywhere with this woman, you will never hesitate. You will quickly tell her you think she looks fabulous, sexy, incredible, beautiful, or whatever compliment you can come up with. If there is any chance (and there always is) that you will be asked this question, come up with answer before you even arrive in order to avoid the hesitation.

Man: “So, what would you want to do?”

Woman: “I don’t care.”

First of all, men, it is always wonderful for a woman to be surprised by your taking the initiative to plan a date for the two of you. It shows you care and have put some thought into it. On the other hand, if you don’t know this person enough to know what she might enjoy, you may find yourself asking this question. Women…never, and I mean never say you don’t care! I can’t tell you how many of my male friends have told me that it makes them crazy when a woman can’t make up her mind. Let’s face it. Sometimes men have a harder time in the creativity area then women. They also want to please you and are maybe afraid that if they take the reigns, you might get bored. When you are asked this question, give them a couple of ideas. That way they can still feel like they are getting to take control of the end decision, but will know you will be pleased with either one. Your night will go much smoother.

Man: “Shoot, I forgot my wallet. Can you get this one?”

I know it may sound old fashioned, but men…don’t expect a woman to pay for the first date. Even if she asks you out on the date, and insists on paying, try to not let her. Let her see the gentleman you can be and you be more likely to get a second date. It will also show her that you are interested in being more than just friends. Friends split the bill…lovers take care of each other. Sure, later in the relationship it is definitely okay to let her pick up the tab once in a while since relationships should be 50/50, but don’t let her do that until you two are exclusive. If you don’t make a ton of money, just be more creative with your dates. You can create a romantic picnic for a lot cheaper then taking her to that 5 star restaurant. Either one will be just as delicious.

Woman or Man: “So, what do you think of me? Are you disappointed?”

For gosh sakes! Have some confidence already! Read the signals. You will know if they are repulsed by you or attracted to you. I once had a date with a man that I had been communicating with over the phone for some time. I really liked the person he was over the phone. About 20 minutes into our first face-to-face date, he asked me if I was disappointed. At the time, I turned to him, put my hand behind his head, pulled him close enough to kiss and purred in his ear “Don’t ask me that again”. Had he had any clue or any confidence he would have read that very clear sign and let it go. He would have then had a chance at a second date. However, during the rest of the evening, he asked me that same question about a half dozen more times. This extreme lack of confidence made him much less attractive to me. So he stayed in the friends category (you know, the one men hate when there is no chance of sex), and I ended up in a relationship with his best friend who was funny and confident. So men and women, don’t forget, one of the most attractive qualities is confidence without arrogance. Even if you don’t have it, fake it until you do!

Man: “I’ll call you later.”

Sure, this one is just fine if you really intend to do it. However, if you really find that you are not interested in this woman, just be honest and tell her “I had a nice time, but I don’t think that the relationship is going to go anywhere.” The rejection may be harder to take at first, but it is easier than sitting around waiting for a phone to ring thinking someone is interested in you just to find later that they are not.

Man or Woman: “I used to come here all the time with (insert name of ex here). We would always…..(blah-blah-blah)

Do not make the mistake of talking about your previous relationships on your first date. This person does not need to feel like they are being compared or measured up to anyone else. After all, we are all a little insecure on that first date. Talking about past relationships is appropriate later in the relationship and only if you are asked. Some people really just don’t want to know your relationship history. They are more interested in your present and future. So don’t offer up the information before it is inquired about.