Seven steps to project your relationship in this changing world

Personally, I have strong feelings about the following:

• certain marriages and second marriages should never happen;
• some spouses can grow in two diverse ways, yet stay together too long or gradually ‘die’ within a survival relationship;
• some couples are really right for each other but ‘stuff’ gets in the way and chokes their relationship so it is all but dead.

Moreover, I believe there are two important events in our life that we not given nearly enough assistance (training), guidance or exposure to, namely: Marriage and Child Rearing.  Rarely do people specifically tells us (in a positive way) what it is like to live with someone 24/7.  We are ‘fortunate’ if our parents have (had) a continuing marriage and were good role models.  However, I do believe that what worked well for them in the last half of the 20th century may no longer work for us in the 21st century.

If couples are really meant for each other, then how can we stop the ‘stuff’ that gets in the way and chokes the relationship?  With all the self-help, self-analyses and ‘journeys’ that we are on, let’s look at seven keys that will improve your relationship:

1. Reduce the daily stresses that relationships bring, so we are not just ‘getting through the day’ but enjoying the moments along the way.
2. Break down (or at least stop building) barriers that can occur.  Instead of talking at each other or living in co-habiting isolation, start communicating through empathic listening, touch, genuine intimacy and appreciating each other.
3. See people for who they really are, not what you want them to be.  Celebrate their strengths and value their weaknesses and the opportunities and room that are created for you within your relationship.
4. Don’t create (in your head) a ‘monster’ that lives on the other side of the bed. Ask yourself why you see them so differently now than when you got together, what has changed in both you and them?  Why is your partner acting the way they are?  Are they reflecting what we feel about ourselves? Are their highest values being challenged?  Are they not feeling appreciated or are their needs not being met?  Humans rarely become ‘monsters’ so work out what has changed your attitude to them and what you both can do about it.
5. Bring more joy and harmony into your family by understanding each other better.  Take one moment at a time and consciously reduce the opportunities for conflict.  If you stick at this, in time it will become an unconscious habit and you will start to appreciate the gift of each situation.
6. Bring equality into the relationship, either through roles, commitment, actions, chores or plain equal respect for each other.
7. Examine the place for old fashioned values within your household.  I mean things like: respect, trust, good manners, care, dignity and most of all LOVE.

With second or multiple marriages or marriage later in life, all is magnified and increased.  This is partly because of lifestyles which are more complicated and have already been established such as: vocations, readymade families, financial investments / liabilities, assets, and extended families.

In addition, it is also partly because of our ideals, goals, opinions and needs being far more established and much harder to assimilate.  All of these causes are fertile grounds for probable battle.  In my eBook series, I have shared much more in-depth help for couples who want to develop their relationship for the better.

Relationships have transformed over recent times and have become substantially more complex; however when you strip it all away, the core is still the same:

• Every person wants to be loved for who they are;
• A person’s one pursuit is LOVE (which is why we don’t give up even after the most painful of experiences); and
• Humans are not created to be alone.

So remember these three items, and the seven keys above, next time your partner drives you insane!  Even though how we approach our relationships or considerations for second marriages needs to be different, what we pursue hasn’t changed for thousands of years.