Don't Be An Interview Idiot!

The first step in being a complete idiot is to arrive late. This could be 5 minutes or an hour just make sure you’re late. Nothing says, “I don’t care about this position”, like being late. Step two is to be rude to everyone at the interview. This could be the host or server who greets you as you enter or anyone else employed by the company. To be effective just be mean to everyone, which will really tell them that you’re a complete idiot who can’t get along with anyone! Third, please make sure you answer all interview questions with very short and abrupt responses. Don’t take anytime to go into your answers. Pretend you are on Jeopardy and answer all questions with questions. That could be fun and that will surely tell them you are an idiot who always runs with the pack and has no leadership potential whatsoever. Fourth, for the sake of being an idiot, make sure you don’t ask any questions about the position or the company. Don’t bring up goals or plans in the future because you will have plenty of time to think about those things later. Really show them you don’t care about their company by saying you dined at a competitor the other day and loved it! In the fifth step, when they ask about yourself pretend you’re in a holding cell and stone wall them until your lawyer gets there. Whatever you do don’t be forthcoming about anything or discuss your abilities. If you absolutely have to be an idiot tell them about childhood experiences and your first pet. The sixth is all about cussing and using inappropriate language. Be sure to pepper your conversation with a few f-bombs to complete your idiot tendencies. Nothing says you’re an idiot like bad language in an interview. Make sure you trash talk or beat up your old boss in every response. In the seventh step you want to concentrate on how bad you hated that guy and why. This will surely tell them that you have no bounds when it comes to revealing things to complete outsiders and you are basically a very negative person. Then in the eighth step beg them to not contact your previous employer about the funds you embezzled or the food you stole. Nothing says you’re an idiot more than implying a guilty conscious that is hiding something critical to them hiring you. Make sure you lie about your accomplishments in the ninth step. An idiot lies about all of them! Tell them how you cured cancer and invented the Internet or anything else they want to hear. A complete idiot doesn’t care about credibility or reference checks anyway. Even better tell them you didn’t have any labor costs because you paid everyone with cash. Finally when the interview gets up and is ready to shake hands, don’t bother! Storm out of there like a bat out of hell and never look back. Nothing says you’re an idiot like being impolite and displaying no manners. Mission accomplished! Now obviously, this was written to assist you in the pursuit of happiness and to find that next great career. By doing the exact opposite of these actions, you will find yourself at the beginning of the road to preparation to land that dream job. Just remember be kind and courteous to others, be formal and professional, be on time, be honest and open with your answers and market your abilities whenever you can in an interview. And don’t be an idiot!