Is That Change of Perspective Inside of You?

I find at times the need to remind myself of things that I already know.  For example, I find myself annoyed with what I’m hearing on my car radio and instead of remembering I can either change the station, put on a CD of my choice or turn the radio off, I’ll continue listening until I’m upset about what I have heard.  Or I’ll find myself making a choice to do something because “I believe” my wife might want me to do it a certain way.  To be fair, she has not asked me to do it the way that was not comfortable for me, but I assumed she would want it a certain way and wind up getting myself upset in the process if the result of my actions does not turn out well.  I’ve been a professional coach for over three years, and learned long ago during my studies that only I have the power to influence how I choose to view or approach a situation.  And, yet at times – until I step back and reflect on how I have been conducting myself – I do not realize what I have been doing.

It is human nature that when things are not going well in our life we look for reasons that are outside of oneself.  We point to the actions of others, we blame the environment around us or we just look at just having bad fortune as reasons.  Certainly, external forces do happen and many times they impact people who in no way expected them to happen.  However, more often than not, those items that are holding us back or keeping us at a pattern of unrest are internal to us.  And, while they may not be immediately apparent or even at times easy to accept, the good news is they are things we can choose to address.

For example, I found in my car radio example that listening exclusively to music, either via CDs or on stations that played nothing but music and offered nothing in the way of opinion, made the driving experience again pleasurable for me.  My job search clients find that being able to build a structured campaign that has them first assessing who they are, what things motivate them when they have been successful, and using those traits to help identify potential jobs to target, has worked far better for them than just randomly sending out resumés and hoping to hear on job openings.  My life coaching clients learn over the course of time in working with me about all the options open to them, in viewing each and every situation that comes into their life, and they often report back to me when they have attempted a new behavior – how that has been more successful for them than trying the same approaches of the past.  It is amazing how stubborn we can be in trying to be successful in making something work for us when it has continued not to work and frustrate us before.  A change in perspective not only provides a change in how something is done but actually may change our outlook in terms of our ability to accomplish it.

What has not been going right in your life lately?  Is there something that has been continually making you feel frustrated?  If so, have you taken the time to really think it through?   What is the root cause of your distress?   What pieces of it are in your control?  (If your answer is “nothing is in my control” rethink that answer again.  Even if there are aspects that you cannot change, you do have the ability to change your viewpoint of those items).  Once you have identified what has been bothering you, what is a first step that you can do to address it?  Does it involve doing something differently that you have been doing by routine?   Is it to avoid or stop doing something that only angers you to do?   Perhaps it is to try an approach that you may have been introduced to in the past, but resisted.  Or, could it be as straightforward as answering to yourself that you do not want your energy being drained by a situation that frankly isn’t worth the frustration you have been allowing it to cause?

As I indicated earlier, even one as experienced as a coach does not always realize that it’s time to change perspective, until they have taken a step back.  It’s your choice if you want to live with continual frustration.  If your answer is that you do not want to do so, the change you need to make is inside of yourself.