Behavioural Success With Opposite Sex At Work

We learned in Communication Success With Opposite Sex At Work that men and women have different mixes of masculine and feminine blends; and how you will have an extra edge to be an effective communicator when you understand how both genders approach problem solving in the workplace.

Let us now go deeper and explore how men and women behave differently when they are stress, and how to deal with them effectively.

When a man is stress, he will focus on the subject that causes his stress. He will grumble when his focus is interrupted or has to change. Whereas when a woman is stress, she wants to share her feelings to seek emotional support through empathy, understanding, respect and concern.

Men do not understand and respect when women share their feelings under stress: What men hear from women are not sharing but complaining—complaining, whining, blaming about nothing. Men feel that if nothing can be done, let it go; women feel that if nothing can be done, at least talk about it.

Women have to understand and realise that men will only share and talk to solve their problems; men only need to be a good listener when women share their feelings with them.

A woman will lose trust and respect for a man when he grumbles at her requests: she concludes that he is unwilling to help. Little do women know that when men grumble, it is not a bad sign: he is actually considering her request! When men do not want to help, he would simply say so.

How do women often behave and make things worse when men grumble?

1.     Women tend to withdraw their requests to avoid resentment from men: women believe that there is no point to “force” a man to help—her withdrawal behaviour frustrates him even more. 

2.     Some women instead of withdrawing their requests defend the requests. Such defending behaviour increase the resistance from men: The defence from women make men feel manipulated and resentful.

3.     To back up her request when a man grumbles, a woman will describe her problem in greater detail. Little does she realise that the more she says, increases a man resistance. Trying to motivate a man by explaining her problem, she ends up frustrating him even more and lengthens his acceptance process.

4.     A woman will end up demanding from a man when he appears to be unsupportive to her request, when she feels that it is his responsibility to help. Such demand will makes a man become stubborn, defiant, and defensive.

The best approach when men grumble is to remain silent and let them finish; grumbling is a man’s process of letting go of his resistance. Women only need to listen to the grumbles and show their appreciation to the men for considering their requests. When men feel appreciated for their help, they will be inclined to help more the next time!

But men, please be cautious when women grumble, it is a sign that they are overworked and really needed help. Unlike men, women do not grumble to express resistance by blowing off some steam.

Women by nature use emotional tones to express their feelings, including negative ones. Men too, do express their negatives feelings but their intent are distinctively different from women.

Men express negative feelings to effect some kind of change; it is an unstintingly reaction to motivate corrective measures in others and has unknowingly become a habit to intimidate or to get away from responsibility. Therefore, when women express negative emotions to men, they interpret that women want to get away from responsibilities or are blaming them—women only want to share their feelings.

With this insight of how men and women respond to stress, both genders are able to respond accurately to support and gain each other’s trust and respect in the workplace.