Are You Losing the Psychological Game With Your Ex?

Human nature can be funny.  It seems that the less accessible something is, the more we want it.  A classic example of this is when one partner is dumped by another.  Immediately, the person who has been dumped (or the dumpee) is at a huge psychological disadvantage. Whereas, the party that decided to call it quits can revel in the knowledge that their ex will be there whenever they want him/her.

If you've been dumped, this situation is not helped by the fact that you may be acting a little desperate at the moment. The more you insist on phoning and leaving messages, the worse it is going to get. In effect, you are giving them more power over you with every gesture you make.

It may be time to start backing off while you still have some dignity intact. After all, no matter what you do, nothing is going to make things better at the moment. And if you're begging and pleading with him/her to take you back – well that is just a recipe for disaster.

If you hadn't noticed, you are in the middle of a psychological game in which you are ill equipped.

However, if you take steps to remedy this, it shouldn't last long. You can turn the tables in less time than you think. Now, getting some of that power back from your ex is going to take work, but it is doable and it is the only way you are ever going to get them to really listen to you.

Start by putting an end to the desperate behavior – this is a must. As long as you keep contacting them, they will never feel a need to acknowledge your existence.  You need to make them realize that your whole purpose in life is not to be at their beck and call. You have to show them that you have the confidence to carry on with your own life despite the fact that you no longer have them.

Get out there and get back into your old social circles (or create some new ones). Not only is this going to take your mind off the breakup, but you will be showing him/her firsthand that they do not have you unconditionally. As they say, you don't know what you have till it's gone.

Tough love? Maybe, but the fact of the matter is that you won't get the results you want if you don't have some bargaining power – the only way to get that is to make them want you back. You won't create attraction by trying to force the situation. It will only result in driving them further away.

This is the reason so few people ever end up getting back together. In some cases, they may see the damage that their behavior is causing, but by that time it is a little too late. You need to be able to see this now and take action before your relationship is gone for good.