Constructs and Why You Date the Best Worst Thing

Understanding Constructs

Constructs are the mental frameworks we develop in childhood that shape our understanding of the world, including our perceptions of relationships. These constructs influence who we find attractive and why.

How Constructs Form

• Early Childhood: By age four, children form basic constructs of what a man or woman is. These ideas are influenced by family members, caregivers, and other significant figures in their lives.
• Adolescence: During puberty, constructs evolve as individuals start to form romantic interests. This period can solidify or challenge earlier constructs.

Influences on Constructs

• Family Dynamics: The behavior and roles of family members play a crucial role. For example, a girl with a nurturing father may seek similar traits in partners.
• Cultural and Social Norms: Media, societal expectations, and peer interactions also shape constructs.

The Impact of Constructs on Relationships

Attraction to "Bad Boys" or "Damsels in Distress"

• Familiarity: People often gravitate towards partners who resemble their early caregivers, whether in appearance, behavior, or emotional availability.
• Opposites: Some are drawn to the opposite of their early experiences, seeking what they lacked in childhood.

Co-Dependency and "Savior" Complex

• Early Responsibility: Children who felt the need to "save" a parent may develop a pattern of trying to rescue partners.
• Unresolved Childhood Needs: Attempting to fulfill unmet childhood needs through adult relationships can lead to unhealthy dynamics.

Analyzing and Changing Constructs

Self-Reflection

• Identify Patterns: Reflect on past relationships to identify recurring themes or traits in partners.
• Understand Origins: Consider how early experiences with family and caregivers may have shaped these patterns.

Steps to Change

1. Awareness: Recognize your constructs and how they influence your choices.
2. Challenge Beliefs: Question whether these constructs serve your current needs and desires.
3. Seek Support: Therapy or counseling can provide tools to reshape unhealthy constructs.

Different Perspectives

Psychological View

• Nature vs. Nurture: Constructs are a blend of genetic predispositions and environmental influences. Understanding this can help in reshaping them.

Sociocultural View

• Cultural Narratives: Society's portrayal of gender roles and relationships can reinforce or challenge personal constructs.

Interesting Stats

• Childhood Influence: Studies show that early childhood experiences account for about 50% of the variance in adult relationship satisfaction (source: APA).
• Co-Dependency: Approximately 40% of adults report having been in a co-dependent relationship at some point (source: Psychology Today).

Conclusion

Understanding and analyzing your constructs can lead to healthier relationship choices. By recognizing the roots of your attractions, you can break free from negative patterns and build more fulfilling connections.

For further reading on how childhood experiences shape adult relationships, check out Psychology Today's article on attachment theory.