Dating Relationship: The Mind Game of Verbal Abuse

"Can't you do anything right" You've heard that in some form or another more than once from your significant other. Whether it's going out on a date, doing a simple household chore or a non serious conversation you seem to always be on the defensive with the other person. That kind of constant bombardment can set your nerves on edge and get you to start doubting yourself.

And your significant other knows it. They have seen your strengths and weaknesses and kept mental notes as so they know exactly which buttons to push and when.

Then they take it to a new level. They not only berate you when they are with friends and families but every now and then they humiliate you in public.  You didn't do this that or the other thing so now you've ruined the occasion.  When the two of you get home they really unload on you. 

Just about now there should be some righteous outrage on your part. Instead you internalize everything they have said. Maybe they are right and it is all your fault. You were supposed to take care of the situation. Did you do it right or not enough or too much?  Once your significant other sees that doubt is in the air then they step up the attack.  The next phase is about turning those doubts into cold hard reality. The verbal abuse now comes fast and furious. Anything that happens no matter how trivial or insignificant becomes an excuse to make you feel worse than you do and also set in stone that from now on all the blame falls squarely on your shoulders. 

But there is something more sinister afoot. In essence they have for all intent and purposes taken control of the relationship.

Yet it is important to keep in mind that arguably none of this would have been possible if it didn't receive your cooperation. If a dating relationship is going to grow than it is crucial that both parties love or at least respect each other. Verbal abuse is neither. It's emotional, physical and mental control disguised as caring. It benefits no one except the person who is practicing it but it also requires a certain amount of acceptance from the receiving party. 

The problem is in the short and long run it is absolutely corrosive to a dating relationship. They miss the joy of having someone that cares about them contribute equally to make the relationship better. They also lose out on the uniqueness that is you. What you have no one else can bring to the table. By trying to exercise total control over you, they are in essence trying to make you into exactly what they want you to be. That is blatant disrespect.
 
Unfortunately it becomes a vicious circle. You can never be one hundred percent what they want you to be. They know it and deep down you know it so they heap more verbal abuse on you with the clear understanding that it will always be this way.  

Some people like to argue. That's a part of who they are but when they become verbally abusive in a dating relationship then you have to take a stand. Either they tone it down and work on their behavior or they will have to find someone else to try and control.