We may have more technology than we know what to do with. How many times have you gotten an email, instant message, or text message that left you steaming mad, although in retrospect, was probably harmless?
We may have more technology than we know what to do with. How many times have you gotten an email, instant message, or text message from your mate that left you steaming mad, although in retrospect, was probably harmless?
One woman writes to MarsVenus.com that she got an email from her boyfriend saying, "Sorry, I'm not going to be able to see you this weekend - I'll catch up with you later!" She wanted to know what on earth he meant by that. Her translation was, "I met a hot blonde today who invited me to her fabulous beach house for the weekend - I'll call you in a couple of weeks when I've decided if she's a keeper." Is he being an insensitive jerk? Did she read too much into his fast and "efficient" communication? Did he just want to lay low for a couple of days? Who can tell?
When it comes to decoding the secret language men use in IM, Blackberry, text messages, and emails, women have a serious challenge to overcome. We all know that men and women are different creatures, and women are inherently more "sensitive" than their male counterparts. Namely, they tend to read deep into a man's every action. These new technologies make it simple to communicate quickly and concisely but at the same time offer a mix of intimacy and distance that can leave some women flaming mad.
As a woman it's fun to receive the quickie messages that consist of "luv u" and "see u ltr hon xxxxx," but not so wonderful to consistently be faced with the ones saying he's working late (again!), not sure when he's free, or 'maybe' he'll make time to see you soon.
Men often prefer to use written messages, which are efficient and to the point, as opposed to having a "face-to-face" phone conversation. Unfortunately for women, this efficiency can appear to be devoid of emotion and can seem like a complete lack of communication on a man's part - and this can fuel a raging fire of distress for the female recipient!
While some women would become moderately irritated in this situation, others may go off the deep-end in response to a misinterpreted message. A woman who's been hurt in the past by an unfeeling or insensitive man can be particularly touchy when it comes to these quickly composed, blunt and to-the-point text messages. She may get upset and react with a terse message of her own. While she's fuming and fussing, he's on the other end wondering what happened and why she is acting like a head-case. And, BOOM, before either can blink, the gloves are off and some truly hurtful text messages get sent.
So what is the solution to this techno dilemma? Why DO women often read more into these quickie messages and end up misinterpreting what he meant?
For starters, ladies, it's time to give your guy the benefit of the doubt. Technological advances are created on Mars and your man is simply talking in Martian-speak when using these modern-day communication devices. He is in his element when communicating via email, IM, or text messaging. One way to stop going crazy over simple messages is to learn to speak his language. In other words, start using fewer words when text messaging with your male partner. Be concise. Not only will he appreciate it, but it will help you come to see that there is no hidden message when using short phrases - you are simply practicing being efficient and effective with your time.
Also, if you like to shoot "poison-pen" emails back to the sender whom you think has bashed you over the wire-less waves: be careful. Go ahead and write out your thoughts but then always, always, always let it sit in your draft file for a minimum of ten minutes before sending. Look at it again and consider whether your fightin' words are necessary, or are simply a reaction to something you THINK was being communicated.
Last, if you're not sure what he is saying... ASK. Avoid the urge to pile on any blame or shame over his supposed "bad" email or IM manners - just work to get some clarity on what he said or meant in the message. Guys, it's just as important for you to let her know that what you say is what you say. Reassure her that you will give her "only the facts, ma'am," with no hidden messages. They're probably not in your vocabulary! Ladies, if you still find yourself stumped, ask, "would you please give me a little more detail when you send messages" or " will you call me some of the time instead of text messaging so that we can connect better?"
The good news is that we can learn to make the most of techno savvy messages, if we just understand that men and women compose them in very different ways. Before you completely freak out at your partner's text 'tude,' contemplate any drive-bys, or wonder how you can continue a relationship with someone who has so little insight into you, take a deep breath and remember that he may just be "texting" a different language from the one she's reading. With this knowledge, over time both of you can adjust your approach and interpretation to help eliminate these misunderstandings. Technology is here to stay. Now is the time to make the best of it and learn how to put your best IM, TM or e-mail forward!
