Upon first glance, mending your broken heart seems impossible. After all, you're dealing with strong sadness, anger, and desperation that are changing how you live. Everything you've known and become accustomed to has turned on its head, AND the one person that you'd normally turn to in a moment of crisis is the very person who is causing this pain. So how can you possibly mend your broken heart - yet alone in an easy way?
It seemed to just come out of nowhere. Jimmy dumped her. He started his sentence like she'd seen so many times in the movies. "Sally,
we need to talk," he said. Then there it was. "It's just not working out. I think we'd be better off as friends."
Sally was mortified. She heard the slam of his car door, and his music blare on before he revved his engine and left. Her swallowed tears began to pour. She felt like her life was over.
She wanted him back desperately. Ever since they began dating, she'd felt as if he was her soul mate, that they'd be together forever. Sure he had his flaws, and she had hers, but at the end of the day they always worked things out. What was she going to do now?
She'd seen enough of her friends' breakups to know that begging him to come back was not the answer. She may have lost Jimmy, but she wasn't about to lose her pride. So she promised herself that she would not call, text, or email Jimmy - not just yet anyway.
The first thing she did was to call her friend Kate. Kate was always good in situations like this. Kate took her out, and they had a day of pampering. It helped Sally get her mind off of how bad she felt, and Kate pumped her full of much-needed self-confidence.
Kate was a rational and objective person, and she challenged Sally to really look at the relationship she had with Jimmy. Upon doing so, Sally saw a lot of things that needed working on. She realized that whenever Jimmy did anything that upset her, she'd withhold sex or just give him the silent treatment. Though she was really upset at those times, she realized how unfair she had been. Jimmy had contributed to the falling apart of the relationship too, but she now understood how he might have come to feel the way he did.
Though these insights didn't make up for her sadness, she now understood what went wrong and was in a position to work on herself in order to get her ex boyfriend back. By knowing where she could improve, she could identify clear steps as to what she should do next.
There was no time for moping around; she had to learn how to deal with her anger better, and she could practice her communication skills with her family and friends. She had to stay positive, and for the moment she had to make the most of being on her own. After all, Jimmy wasn't moping.
In addition to practicing her communication skills, she also started taking yoga classes and went out with her friends on the weekends. She'd forgotten how much fun her friends could be. She listened to some of them go on about their tumultuous relationships and to others ranting about their latest dating debacles.
She also noticed all of the attention she was getting from other guys - guys that weren't Jimmy, and it made her feel sexy and coveted. She still desperately wanted Jimmy back, but it was nice to know that other men found her attractive. There wasn't something wrong with her because she'd been dumped.
One night she was out with a couple of friends, and Jimmy came walking into the restaurant with another girl. At first she was heated. "How could he?" But once she calmed down, she realized it was okay. She felt good enough in her own skin that she didn't care how he reacted to her.
It turned out, however, that seeing her out had inspired Jimmy to call her. "Wow, you look really good," he said. When she asked him who he was out with the night before, he answered, "Oh, just some girl." She could tell that he wasn't serious about this woman like she initially expected when he walked into the restaurant.
She was surprised to learn from an article she had read, that guys don't take dating as seriously as girls. For a guy, a date is a date... and nothing more. He's not hoping for it to become a relationship, and he's certainly not emotionally attached to the girl after one or two dates. She liked the analogy Kate gave her. Guys tend to test drive a lot of cars whereas girls drive one and get their hearts set on it without even seeing what else is out there. And that's exactly what Jimmy was doing.
He ended up asking Sally if she wanted to go out somewhere the next weekend. She agreed. They went out to dinner and talked lightly about what had been going on. They joked around with each other, and the energy between them seemed relaxed and comfortable.
She didn't mind that they hadn't been together for those few months because she was able to do a lot of things that she wouldn't have if she'd been dating Jimmy. He seemed impressed and interested when she shared her recent exploits with him.
As the night came to a close, Jimmy asked her if she wanted to go upstairs to his apartment; but Sally, knowing better, declined. She said she had to get back home, but she'd like to do this again sometime. Jimmy seemed a little disappointed, but he smiled and agreed, and his gaze lingered on her as she turned to walk to her car.
Ultimately, Sally and Jimmy ended up getting back together. Sally felt good about the relationship because she had gotten it back on her terms. She didn't feel insecure that Jimmy was going to leave her again. Instead, she felt grateful for the time she had on her own. She'd learned a lot about herself and what their relationship had been lacking.
When they finally got back together, they worked on those weak points, and now their relationship was stronger than ever. If you were to ask her now if she regretted that painful time in her life, she'd answer no. She believes that without it, they would not have had the chance to work out the kinks that existed before. She'd tell you that because she remained strong and positive during their break up and didn't succumb to desperate measures, she was now happy and secure... and Jimmy was pretty happy himself.
