Do you find yourself lonely sometimes and feel like you want to bring more people into your life but you hold yourself back? Do you avoid social interactions because you think that meeting new people is exhausting and tiresome? Here are some tips for you to make your experience easier.
What is comfort zone?
I’m sure if you’re single and enjoy reading the dating advice section of the magazine, you’ve heard the phrase that says “get out of your comfort zone” many times. But what is a comfort zone? I like to think of it as a place where I feel most comfortable being myself. For some of you it may be the couch or the reclining chair in front of your TV, for others it’s your bedroom. It can be your patio with a view, your office or even your bath tub. It is a place where you find yourself going to without thinking about it. You go there at the end of the day when all your work is done or when you want to get away from people. Everybody needs a comfort zone and we all have at least one.
Take your comfort zone with you.
Single people who live alone usually don’t have hard time thinking about where their comfort zone is because they spend a lot of time in it. However, spending too much time in your comfort zone, as relaxing as it is, it can get really lonely. We start dreaming and fantasizing about someone really special being in this place with us. And that’s what motivates us to get out there. Ironically, as much as your chances of meeting someone new while you’re in your comfort zone are pretty slim, you are most likely to attract the right person when you feel comfortable enough to be yourself. So what do you do? I’d say, whenever you chose to “get out of your comfort zone”, try taking it with you in your mind. So when you meet this new person, not only there is a place for you to relax a little, you will have a more clear vision whether you want to get away from this person into your sacred place or take them there with you.
Get to know another person’s energy.
Let’s talk about the dynamics of meeting new people. People have energy around them or an aura. Whenever you meet someone new, your aura is not familiar with theirs and it takes time for your energies to settle down and get comfortable around each other. Have you ever noticed how easy it is to be around some people right away and how awkward it can be around others? That is because there is something in their aura that doesn’t align with yours. Sometimes that could mean that the two of you are not a good match for each other, however I would discourage you to jump into a quick conclusion like this. Most of the time the uneasiness happens because we make it a lot harder on ourselves than it has to be.
Save your energy, let go of control.
One of the most common mistakes people make is trying to control the situation and how we feel. We try to avoid feeling or looking uncomfortable and we do everything we can to appear present in the conversation. We worry too much about finding a subject to talk about because there is nothing worse than uncomfortable silence with the stranger. We also try to control what the other person feels by trying to remove their discomfort. However, our discomfort is easily felt by the other person energetically. They may not be able to put it into words but they will know that something doesn’t feel right. It takes a lot of energy to control your energy. Eventually you can wear yourself down and get to the point where you want to run away, back to your comfort zone as soon as possible.
Getting to know another person takes time, so give yourself and the other person as much time and space as you both need. Your needs may be very different from each other and the best you can do is to be mindful and respectful. You may be surprised to discover an amazing new friend or even romance when they finally do open up to you.
If you want to learn more about some of the specific energies people have when they first meet each other, I will discuss it in more details in my other article, titled: The “cat” and the “dog” energies of social interaction.
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