Can Sexual Attraction Be Changed?

A person's sexuality is an important part of who they are.

When wondering if a person can choose their sexuality, he or she is usually questioning whether they can choose or change their sexual attraction and orientation.

Sexual orientation is how a person identifies in relation to what gender(s) they are attracted to. Differing sexual orientations include heterosexual or straight, homosexual or gay, bisexual or bi, and asexual. Nowadays, the letters LGBT are used - lesbian, gay, bisexual, and Trans - as a more inclusive abreviation for what once was simply called 'gay'.

We are not yet sure why someone has a particular sexual orientation as opposed to another, but one thing is certain: we aren't able to choose or control who we are attracted to.

Experts think sexual orientation is influenced by a combination of environmental, emotional, hormonal, and biological factors, but no one is completely sure. We all pass through different experiences as we grow and mature, and we are formed and shaped by various factors. There is no one thing that causes a person to be straight, gay, bisexual or asexual. It is simply part of life's mystery.

When people question choice in sexuality, they are most often referring to whether or not gay people choose to be gay. Very few people ask themselves if they 'chose' to be straight. Most straight people just take it for granted.

If you identify as straight or heterosexual and have wondered if gay people choose to be gay, take a moment to consider the following questions:

- Is this just a phase you're going through? - How do you know you aren't gay if you have never tried it? - When was the first time you realized that you might be straight? - What is your earliest memory of being straight? - Have you ever considered that you might just be confused about your sexuality? - Have you tried the same sex as yourself to check if you like it?

These are all common questions that people often ask gay people when they learn of their sexual orientation. They might sound preposterous when asked to a straight person. You might well have thought: "I never really realized I was straight--I just accepted it." Some people may even feel offended at the suggestion that they try to be anything other than straight. If you felt offended by any of those questions, pause for a moment and consider how a gay person must feel when asked the same kind of things.

All reasonable evidence shows that a gay person can no more change who they are attracted to than can a straight, or heterosexual person. What's more, what real reason can there be to expect anyone to be anything other than they are?

There are certain types of 'therapy' that promise to change a person's sexual orientation; they go under the name of 'reparative' or 'conversion' therapy. The American Psychological Association (APA) and the British Psychological Society (BPS) has taken an official stand denouncing this kind of therapy. Both have categorically stated that there is no evidence that this sort of therapy is effective and it can lead some people to develop depression and suicidal tendencies.

It is far better to accept something that just cannot be changed than to attempt to alter it, and this is as true for sexual orientation as for anything else in life. Here good counseling or an experienced therapist can offer guidance and support. Those close to the gay person--friends and family--who are struggling to come to terms with a person's sexuality can find support through organizations such as PFLAG in the US, and FLAG in the UK. Check online for your nearest group.

When all is said and done, life is full of difference and rich with diversity. Sexuality is a simple reflection of this.