Common Approaches to Blending Family Relationships

Blending family relationships is something that takes time and a lot of patience.  A lot of relationship issues in step families arise because the members of the blended family try to rush into their relationships instead of taking the time to get used to living together and learning each other's personality and living styles.  Most new step parents fall into one of two categories: over-compensators and under-compensators.The Over-compensator will push his (or her) way into a relationship with his step children.  He will try to get too close to quickly.  He will try too forcefully to establish his dominance over the child as an authority figure.  One common mistake that is made by an overcompensating step parent is siding with the step child when issues arise with his new wife or with his own children to prove to his step child that he is a good guy.  Another common mistake made by over-compensating step parents is going toward the other end of the spectrum: being too strict, being too cold and being too forceful with disciplinary issues and house rules—and trying to impose his own ideas of child rearing as replacement for a system that was already understood by his wife and her children.  This usually results in a resentful relationship between him and his wife, not to mention with his own children as well as his stepchildren.The Under-compensators, on the other hand, have the opposite approach.  Usually he will develop a completely hands off approach to dealing with his step children.  If there are arguments or problems with his stepchild he will simply refuse to engage and, instead, force his new wife to deal with the problem completely by herself.  He will also be stand-offish when his new stepchildren try to forge a relationship with him.  He does this because he doesn't want to impose or step on anybody's toes.  Because of this, it takes longer for his step children to open up and trust him.Relationship issues in step-families are common when people first start to work at blending family relationship issues.  Sometimes the relationship issues in step families are small and the blending family relationships will smooth themselves out over time.  Other times, the problems will be harder to over come.  If this is the case, you should look into step-family relationship counseling.Step-family relationship counseling can help smooth out the process of blending family relationships.  A counselor will not take sides or play favorites.  Instead she will help your newly blended family learn to communicate with each other and how to be patient and build your relationships slowly.  She might have advice that is hard to hear, but as a trained professional she has seen it all before.  Blending family relationships is hard work and takes a lot of time.  Nothing is going to be perfect right away.  Trying to make it perfect too quickly will result in relationship issues in step-families.  Consider step-family relationship counseling to help your family work out its issues and learn to live together happily and peacefully.