Parenting - Adoption And The Challenges Which It Poses

There are currently some 128,000 adoptions in the United States every year and, while this figure may seem to be small, over the years this means that about 1%, or several million, children in the United States today are adopted.

No two parents' experience of adoption will be the same of course but, for many, adopting a child is a long and difficult process, both in practical terms and emotionally, but it is also the fulfillment of a dream.

Thankfully much of the stigma formerly associated with adoption has now disappeared, which is of considerable help to both adopted children and adoptive parents. Nevertheless, bringing up adopted children can still present parents with some unique and very challenging problems.

In many cases the problems presented by raising an adopted child are very real, but often they are more imaginary than real. Take for example the problem of heredity in relation to medical problems. Just how important is it to know that your child might be at greater risk from certain medical conditions? Statistically of course the chances of this happening are low but, even if your child is at risk, what are the real consequences of this? With good medical care and regular checkups most problems will be picked up and dealt with and whether or not the child inherited the condition is often largely irrelevant.

Previous bad parenting, and especially abuse, in an older child on the other hand can present very real problems for adoptive parents, although it is often surprising just how small a part past experiences play in a child's life once he has settled into his new home and a reasonable level of trust has been established.

In many families the main problem encountered centers on the simple fact that the child is adopted and this can often place an artificial barrier between the parents and the child which the parents themselves erect. Many parents wrestle for years with the problem of whether they should tell their child that he or she is adopted and, if so, just when they should tell the child and how. Many parents also fear that telling the child may damage the relationship which they have spent many years establishing.

The truth of the matter is that biology has very little to do with parenting. If you tell your child that he or she is adopted and this results in difficulties then, more often than not, this has much more to do with your role as parents than it does with the fact that the child is adopted.

Keeping the fact that a child is adopted a secret can also present very real dangers because if children discover unexpectedly that they are adopted, especially if this knowledge comes from somebody other than an adoptive parent, this can often cause considerable emotional upset which can be extremely difficult to remedy.

The bonds that develop between children and their parents can develop very quickly and can become very deep and this is equally true whether we are considering the bonds between parents and their natural children or adopted children. Indeed, there is an argument that the bonds which develop between children and their adoptive parents can be especially strong as the simple fact that a child is adopted sends a strong message to the child that he or she is both loved and wanted.

While there is no doubt that adoption does present some unique challenges for parents the rewards from parenting an adopted child can be immense and, as with anything in life, the fact that you have to work a little harder for something makes the joy of success that much greater.