Why Women Are Directionally Dyslexic

I've known a couple of women who aren't and I've heard of a
couple of men who are. But mainly, directions exchanged
between the sexes are exercises in futility.

When Mrs. Stupidman gives me directions I need a big piece
of paper. Her directions are based on rights, lefts and
landmarks. Go past the Wal-Mart, turn left at the big sign,
look for the house with the puce shutters (What's puce?),
then go two houses further on the opposite side.

"What's the address?" "I don't know, but you can't miss
it." "From what direction did you assume I was coming when
you began the instructions?" "Huh?"

"The Wal-Mart is on the corner of an intersection. Should
I go north, south, east or west from the Wal-Mart?" "Huh?"

"Should I head towards Kansas, Arkansas, Texas or
California?" (We live in Oklahoma.) "Oh, Arkansas."

I realize I don't pay attention to landmarks. I don't notice
the new stores, the pretty signs, the big tree. I'm limited
to primary colors and even with that I have trouble
distinguishing blues from greens.

When I was younger I tried to accommodate women by giving
landmark directions but I was a failure.

One time my sister wanted directions to a new shopping center.
I told her to go past three red lights before making a right
turn. She got lost and blamed me. Turned out I should have
said traffic light instead of red light.

Mrs. Stupidman and I used to have a lot of conflict over
directions. She thought my smug expressions and tone were
condescending (not me).

But then one day I picked up a book entitled "Sex On The
Brain". Unfortunately, the title was deceiving and it was
really about clinical studies that attempted to explain
differences for how women and men process information. But
I read it anyway.

One particular study had to do with rats. All of the rats
were put in a maze that had white wall panels with food
placed at the maze exit. The exit path had colored panels,
serving as landmarks, to mark the correct turns. After a
little practice the rats found the food. The path was
changed repeatedly but as long as colored panels were used
all the rats found the food. Then, white panels were
substituted for the colored panels. The males still found
the food but the females were hopelessly lost.

They cut up all the rat brains (sorry) and found one
section of the male brain that was lumpier (some of these
scientific terms are just unavoidable) than the female
brain. The researchers postulated that the lumpiness was
the result of the need to develop advanced locator abilities
so the male rats could find their way back to previously
discovered food sources while the female cared for the
little ratlings.

Then, they cut up human brains (I'm sure they were already
dead) and found the same differences.

So, there you have it. I am much more accepting now that I
know that women are directionally dyslexic. On the other
hand, men might be mutants.

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