I'm having an out-of-cash experience

I have read of people who testified to the fact that they have had an out of body experience. After meeting some of these people I can understand why they would want to abandon their body if only for a moment. My question is, why did they return? Whether this was a real experience or not, only their hairdresser knows for sure.

I have made it one of the primary purposes of my life to stay in my body as long as I live. In fact, I have so developed my body so that there is ample room for my La-Z-Boy chair and me. I like to be comfortable.

Truth compels me to say that I have never experienced an out-of-body experience. Every night when I go to sleep, I am unconscious until morning but I do not think that counts except when it comes to sheep, but who gives a baa-baa about sheep. I have a hard time relating to these people with such esoteric experiences. I do not doubt them, I just do not relate to them.

One thing that I can relate to is "an out-of-cash" experience. There, I said it. Confession is good for the soul. For many years, I was ashamed of having these kinds of experiences. I thought I was the only one in the whole world that ever experienced such trauma in their lives. I kept it a secret for many years.

But all that has changed. I am ready to come out of the closet and confess that when it comes to cash, I am simply out of it.

It's not that I have always had an over abundance of cash. Throughout the years, it has come in a little here and a little there but mostly nowhere. I can never remember a time when my life was flooded with so much cash I did not know what to do with it all.

Being out-of-cash must not be as bad as it sounds. I suppose the terrible thing is how a person gets to that point in life.

I wanted to write a book about my out-of-cash experience but I only got up to chapter 11.

From everything I can gather, everybody seems to be out-of-cash. Even our government has come to such a perilous place as this. The government used to say, "I feel your pain," and now they are really feeling our pain. The government is not broken as some people attest; the government is simply broke. Now they know how I really feel.

Being out-of-cash does have some advantage.

Last Tuesday, for example, was a long hard day and I was glad to get home. When I did get home, my wife greeted me at the door and said, "Let's go out for supper tonight. I don't feel like cooking."

I looked at her and said rather soberly, "I sure would love to go out tonight for supper, but I'm really out-of-cash."

My wife gave me one of her trademark looks and said, "Let's use your credit card."

I would have argued but I was simply out-of-arguments. I must say that through the years she has been very generous with my credit card, which may be why I am really out-of-cash.

Being out-of-cash is not really the worst thing that can happen to a person. About three weeks ago, I had to go out of town for a little trip and forgot to fill up my gas tank. I didn't even think about it. After all, with all the car payments and the monthly insurance payments you would think the car would come up with a little bit of cash on its own. But no, it leaves everything to me. My car once told me it was the responsibility of the owner.

I am not saying that my car is contrary but I was about 7 miles out of town when I ran out-of-gas. It does not matter how much cash you have on hand, if you run out of gas without a gas station nearby it just does not matter.

The men's store where I usually buy my clothing was running a sale on shirts, the kind I usually wear. I had some errands to run and by the time I got to the men's store, they had sold the last shirt. "I'm sorry," the salesperson said, "but you're out-of-luck."

I am not quite sure which is worse, being out-of-cash or being out-of-luck. The truth of the matter is, no matter how much cash you have on hand if there are no more shirts left, you are simply out-of-luck.

A long time ago, I faced the simple truth that money cannot buy everything. I might be able to rent a little bit of happiness but it does not last forever. I have learned that the most important thing in life is to be balanced. Too much of anything, even a good thing, can really be harmful.

This must be what Solomon had in mind when he wrote, "Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: Lest I be full, and deny thee, and say, Who is the LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God in vain" (Proverbs 30:8-9 KJV).

The problem today is not that we do not have enough; we simply are not thankful enough for what we have.