The Principle of Love as Action: A Key to Marriage Preservation

Apr 1
21:11

2024

Lee Baucom, Ph.D.

Lee Baucom, Ph.D.

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In the quest to sustain a marriage, understanding the principle that love is not merely a feeling but an action is crucial. This insight can be the difference between a thriving relationship and one that falters. Love, often portrayed as a constant, overwhelming emotion, actually ebbs and flows throughout the life of a marriage. Recognizing that love can be reignited through deliberate, loving actions is essential for any couple hoping to rekindle their bond.

The Hollywood Myth of Constant Love

The entertainment industry has long perpetuated the myth that true love is an unending,The Principle of Love as Action: A Key to Marriage Preservation Articles intense emotion. This narrative suggests that if a couple is truly meant to be, they will perpetually experience the butterflies and passion that characterize the early stages of romance. However, this portrayal is far from the complex reality of long-term relationships.

The Ebb and Flow of Love

In truth, the feeling of being "in love" naturally fluctuates over time. It's not uncommon for couples to experience periods where the intensity of their love feels diminished or even absent. This doesn't indicate a flawed relationship or a doomed marriage; it's simply a part of the journey.

Infatuation vs. Sustainable Love

The initial phase of a relationship, often filled with infatuation, is marked by a rush of endorphins and hormones that can mirror the brain activity of someone experiencing insanity. This stage is unsustainable and, thankfully, transitions into a more stable form of love that allows couples to function and grow together.

The Misunderstood Shift in Romance

As relationships mature, the shift from infatuation to a deeper connection is often misunderstood, leading to misguided attempts to "fix" the natural evolution of love. This misunderstanding can result in couples feeling unloved and acting less lovingly toward each other, creating a negative cycle that can erode the relationship.

Love as a Verb

The key to maintaining love is to recognize that love is a verb—an action. The act of doing loving things for one another fosters the feeling of love. This is a continuous process that requires effort and intentionality.

Why Marriages Fail: The Misconception of Love

Approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce, and a significant factor is the lack of understanding about the nature of love. Many couples believe that when the feeling of love fades, it indicates a fundamental problem with the relationship or their compatibility. However, this is often not the case.

Moral Codes and Compatibility

While there are instances where couples are genuinely mismatched due to differing moral codes or beliefs, more often, the issue lies in a misunderstanding of how to sustain love. Couples with much in common may mistakenly conclude that their lack of "in love" feelings signifies a wrong choice in partner, leading to unnecessary breakups.

Choosing to Act Lovingly

The good news is that individuals can choose to act lovingly at any moment. This choice can reverse the negative cycle and begin to rebuild the feeling of love. As Jack Canfield notes in his book "Success Principles," the equation E + R = O (Event + Response = Outcome) highlights the power of our response to shape our experiences.

The Power of Choice

Victor Frankl, a survivor of Nazi concentration camps, emphasized the human freedom to choose one's attitude and response, regardless of circumstances. This principle applies to marriage as well—choosing to act lovingly toward one's spouse is always within one's control.

Taking Action to Save Your Marriage

If you're ready to take action and prioritize love in your marriage, remember that it's never too late to start. By choosing to act lovingly, you can reignite the spark and strengthen your bond. For more resources on saving your marriage, visit SaveTheMarriage.com.

Interesting statistics and facts about marriage and love that are often overlooked include:

  • Couples who engage in novel and arousing activities together can reignite feelings of romantic love (Aron, Norman, Aron, & Lewandowski, 2002).
  • Acts of kindness and expressions of gratitude are significant predictors of marital satisfaction (Algoe, Gable, & Maisel, 2010).
  • A study by the National Marriage Project found that couples who spend time alone together at least once a week are 3.5 times more likely to report being "very happy" in their marriage compared to those who do not (Wilcox & Dew, 2012).

By understanding that love is an action and choosing to engage in loving behaviors, couples can navigate the natural ups and downs of marriage and foster a lasting, fulfilling relationship.