How To Blame And Get Results

For many, blame has become an art form. Ever see a comedian take a prop - some ordinary item like a pencil - and make up jokes about it? That's the way many approach blame. Just throw 'em a topic - anything - and they'll find someone to blame for it.

We all do it from time to time. But for some (or many) it's become a way of life. A day without blame becomes a day without sunshine.

But what happens when we blame?

1. We get a cheap hit of power. For a moment we get to feel better than the object of our blame. We get a smugness, a 'rightness'.

But it never lasts, does it? Whatever satisfaction you feel quickly leaves. And like the addict, we must soon blame again. And again. Even if it's only to replay the same statements over and over like a broken record.

For many, it truly becomes an addiction. As real as any chemical substance.

2. We give up our true power. We lose power when we blame. It becomes locked up in the object of our blame. Now, the other person who you're blaming can't use your power. They don't even know about it. It's not theirs anyway. It's yours. But you lose access to it.

It's like taking money out of your own pocket and putting it into an escrow account that nobody can touch. Blame costs you. It takes something of value from you. It's always a net loss. You're losing something when you blame.

It’s like you have less money to spend when you blame. Because you have less access to your resources. Your decision making ability suffers. Your choices have less punch, less impact.

3. It takes energy to blame. It takes even more energy to hold that blame in place. It's like holding a heavy object in your hands.

4. Blame also slows down the healing process. All blame is ultimately sourced in pain. By blaming, you’re guaranteed to keep the pain alive. Often hiding it under the blame. And by not dealing with the pain, the healing can’t happen.

As an example - blaming your parents for your current problems will never resolve those problems.

Now, you can certainly recognize and acknowledge that perhaps they really were horrible, rotten, terrible people, and then take further action such as healing the pain they caused. But if you get stuck in the blame, you won’t likely heal anything.

5. Blame makes you think you’re doing something about the problem.

"It’s the oil companies!"

"There, I did my part to end the problem of global warming."

But blame pushes the problem further away from you. It creates a gap, a space, between you and your issue. It separates you. And creating separation with anything - without taking additional steps - will never end any problem.

6. Blame confuses the issue. It creates a fog that hides the solution. In the above example, you can START by blaming your parents, just don’t get stuck there.

FEEL the blame, if it’s there. Feel it as intensely as you possibly can.

AND THEN LET IT GO as completely as you can. That way you won’t get stuck in blame, and you can start healing the damage from those awful parents. (If that’s the issue.)

7. Finally, holding on to blame makes it much more likely you’ll struggle in life.

Struggle. Like blame, we all do it to one degree or another, at one time or another. It’s hard to struggle without blaming someone or something.

Blame locks the struggle in place. (With nothing to blame, it becomes much harder to find the need to struggle.)

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Bottom line:

1. Blame hurts you and impedes your growth in many ways. Those who love to blame and point the finger at others often refuse to look at themselves. Like cynics who are cynical of everything but their own cynicism; blame leads to delusional thinking.

2. When you find yourself blaming, give yourself permission to first feel the blame as intensely as possible and then to release it as completely as possible. Then you can more effectively deal with the issue at hand. Don't deny your blame, if it's there.

3. If you absolutely must blame, at least blame yourself!

Use your blame as a stepping stone rather than a hiding place. Then you'll be taking your power back. Then you'll be using blame effectively.