The harsh words, turbulent behaviors and manipulative actions are escalating. Still, there are reasons you feel you can’t just up and walk out. Here are three valid reasons you can’t just leave an emotionally abusive relationship and real-life tactics to take back your power so you can leave.
The harsh words, turbulent behaviors and manipulative actions are escalating. Still, there are reasons you feel you can’t just up and walk out. Here are three valid reasons you can’t just leave an emotionally abusive relationship and real-life tactics to take back your power so you can leave.
Three valid reasons that you can’t just leave an emotionally abusive relationship are; you have children together, you’re not financially able (yet), you feel you aren’t mentally and emotionally strong enough to make it on your own (you are!).
You’re scared to leave because you don’t want to take your children away from their biological or acting parent. A key question to ask yourself is, “are the children really better off knowing that you’re so miserable?”
To clarify, in this situation miserable does not mean that you’re bored with your life and spouse, you’d rather be with someone else, or you simply fell out of love with your spouse. Instead, miserable means that you are being emotionally abused. For your own well-being and mental health, you must get out and away from the abuse.
The real question then becomes, “Are the children truly better off with both parents in a household where one parent is enduring extreme mental torture?” Don’t think for a second, they don’t see, hear or feel it. They do! Very young children may not be able to communicate or make sense of what they’re experiencing, but they still know and can feel something is off. The sooner they are out of a toxic environment, the better.
If your child is old enough, talk to your son or daughter. It’s always important to be honest but do your best not to overshare or say demeaning things about your spouse. Break the big picture down to smaller increments that they can handle according to their age. Many times, if given a choice, your child may have already decided they want to be out of the tumultuous situation.
Listen, observe and remember if it’s happening to you, it’s happening to them on some level too. And if it’s happening to them, it is your job as a parent to protect your children.
An emotionally abusive relationship will condition you to feel devalued as a person both mentally and financially.
A control tactic that abusers often use is to take control of the money as a way to control you. This plays a very nasty trick on your brain and you start believing that you are dependent on the abuser. You believe that you can’t survive financially without their money.
The good news is that you can overcome this by first changing your belief. Changing your thinking, if only a tiny bit, will give you a foundation to start building on. Your mind will start to open to possibilities that you may not have seen before.
Here’s a scenario to help you interrupt the negative patterns you’ve been conditioned to believe: You’ve been working and you have no idea where your money goes. Your partner demands control of all the money coming into the household.
Your income, however would be enough if you could make the initial break.
Put a financial plan together (if only in your head) of how much money you need to make the initial break. Take into account a down payment on an apartment and enough gas money to get to work until the first pay check you will get when you’re on your own.
If you’re able, save and hide the money. If this doesn’t work for you, start shopping around by asking friends and family for a small loan or if you can stay with them for a short time.
Remember to figure the loan amount it will take you to get out and work that into a monthly budget to pay them back.
A concrete plan will help give you the strength you need to change your situation for the better.
Just as you’ve been conditioned to feel devalued financially, the abuser will condition you to believe that you can’t make it without the abuser.
This is one of the many tricks an abuser will use because if you leave, the abuser loses control. And it’s all about control for them.
It’s a normal to vacillate between a feeling of, “I can do this on my own,” and “How will I ever be strong enough to make it on my own?”
Again, you’ve been conditioned to believe that you are nothing without the other person. This is simply not true.
Maybe you feel that you have no one else to turn to. Again, this is by design. Think back through the course of your relationship. Did you have friends that you went out with prior to this relationship? Are you all of a sudden estranged from your family? Sadly, you were manipulated away from those close relationships.
Chances are, once you leave, many people will support you and your family will welcome you back with open arms.
If you don’t have a support system nearby, consider seeking out support groups. If you feel you can trust your medical doctor, start there. They can recommend resources.
“No one will ever love me again!” Not true. Humans need other humans to survive. You’ve been brainwashed to believe there’s no one else that could love you as much as the person you’re with.
If the person you’re with has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), then their capability to truly love is zero percent.
Remember, you are worthy. You deserve better. You deserve to reclaim your dreams and get back to the person you were born to be.
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This article is courtesy of Pocket Power Books. Self-help that works; fast tips to transform your life in 30 seconds. Get the free audiobook; Pocket Power an Introduction http://pocketpowerbooks.com
