Sober From Clutter - Part 2

Sober From Clutter - Part 2
By: Janet L. Hall

"He who dies with the most toys wins," should read, "Those
with the most toys will die first!"

Why? Because of the stress, worry, and debt your "toys"
might be costing you.

It's the quality and usage of an item that should be important.
Not how many or how much you have.

Your possessions, collections, and all the "stuff" you are
buying or holding onto are NOT who you are.

Others and your possessions are not responsible for your
happiness. Dependence upon others or your possessions
will only fill your void temporarily, if at all. You will eventually
become bored, feel alone, or empty, and become a victim of
clutter and debt.

When you are balanced and one with Spirit you are
complete. You will not have a feeling of lack or a void to fill.

We fall prey to filling up our lives with "things" because we're
being fed the message that "things" will bring us fulfillment.

Marketing products has become a "science," so let's briefly
take a look at what marketers focus on when plotting their
strategies for selling their products.

Marketing 101

Four Influences of Consumer Behavior
[Source: Business, by: Griffin and Ebert]

1. Personal influences can include your personality, life style,
and economic status.
2. Psychological influences can include your motivations,
perceptions, ability to learn, and attitude.
3. Social influences can include family, others opinions you
seek, and referrals from friends, co-workers, and
professional associations.
4. Cultural influences can include your "way of living," ethnic
groups with shared values, and social class (your
background, occupation, and income).

These factors will not only have an impact on what products
you buy but why you buy them. Sometimes one or two of
these influences might outweigh the others.

"Americans love to collect things, and a video collection will
make a statement about your personality just as a book
library does." Al Reuben, Vestron Video, Executive V.P.,
1988.

What kind of a statement does your "stuff" say about your
personality?

The buying process starts out the same for everyone. We
have a problem or a need. Rational and emotional motives
are what our "buying" decisions are based on. Our
emotional motives can be impulsive, spur-of-the-moment, or
a sudden urge, and can include other factors, such as
sociability, imitation of others, and aesthetics.

When we buy things with our emotional motives, we should
ask the following question: What emotions are we really
trying to gratify, or replace?

According to the 7th Edition of Contemporary Marketing:
"Motives are inner states that direct a person toward the goal
of satisfying a felt need. The action is taken to reduce a
state of tension and return to a condition of equilibrium.

Reduce a state of tension; create balance, harmony ...
interesting.

What is the "felt" need that's missing from your life? In other
words, what is missing from your Spirit?

What desired state are you trying to achieve or what are you
trying to replace when you continue to buy and bring or keep
unneeded things into your life?

What are you truly longing for when you shop till you drop,
buy like there is no tomorrow, stockpile, or hoard just in
case?

What are you dissatisfied with in your life?

What are you searching for?

Are you making rational decisions when you continue to
bring more "stuff" into your life, and not take anything out?

Marketers have also concluded that our self-concept or how
we view ourselves plays an important role in our buying
behavior. They have identified four Self-Concept
Components: Real self, self-image, looking glass self, and
ideal self. [Source: Contemporary Marketing, by: Boone &
Kurtz]

What self-concept do you see of yourself when you go
shopping?

Do you buy clothes that almost fit? Promising yourself you
can lose a couple of extra pounds, only to find the clothes
months later, still with tags on and you still can't fit into.

Do you buy electronic gizmos and gadgets because your
"peers" or friends have them?

Do you lavish yourself with toilettes to try and make you "feel
better" about your life?

Do you buy "collectibles" until the collections take over a
room, your house, your car, and your life with the hope that
"one day" they will bring in the "BIG Bucks?"

Do you buy because you have a credit card that's not maxed
out?

Do you get all "gung-oh" about a new craft/hobby and buy
the best and the latest gadgets for that craft/hobby to only
lose interest in a month or so?

What were you trying to fill your Spirit with the last time you
went shopping?

The belief that all you're buying, all your stuff, will bring you
happiness, joy, love, and status is a big crock! You know it
and I know it. And what about the others you mistakenly
pass on this belief to? Your children, loved ones, friends,
co-workers, and employees can get caught up in this belief
because belief systems get passed around, and what you
believe becomes your reality!

5 W's of Shopping:
The next time you get the urge to shop or shower your
children with unneeded gifts stop and try to identify what is
really happening.

WHO might be bothering you or WHOM might you be angry
with?

WHAT is on your mind or WHAT do you really want?

WHEN are you going to find a "different" approach to feeding
your Spirit?

WHEN are you going to start working on creating new
positive habits?

WHERE are you going to look for "what is missing?"

WHY do you care?

Because you love yourself!

Marketing analysts like to cater to kids and target parents
using a variety of feelings. Guilt and love are two biggies.

Are others imposing their belief systems on you, and what
their interpretations or misinterpretations are to being a good
parent?

Television, society, books, parents, and peers tell us that in
order to be a good parent we must buy this particular toy or
that expensive shoe. We shower our children with things
they don't REALLY need, don't want, or don't have room for.
We work an extra job or two so they can have the best
"stuff," while eating good nutritional food, love, and quality
time together have become second rated.

Do you feel guilty because you don't have the time to spend
with your children so you shower them with gifts and things
to amuse them?

Are you buying them pets to replace your love and affection?

What are you teaching your children? That an unlimited
supply of money and "stuff" are theirs for the asking.

If you aren't giving your children your attention, your love, or
the time you need to spend with them, you might feel guilty,
and solve these "problems" with the solution of
overcompensating them with too many toys, and too much
"stuff."

"Here, take these toys, this "stuff." They can give you
unlimited fun, pleasure, and love. Something mom and dad
don't have the time, energy, or least I say, desire to do with
or for you!" Pretty heavy!

In turn their toys and "stuff" becomes a substitute for you.
The child learns and believes that having a lot of "stuff"
signifies love and affection. This false substitute for your
attention, love or time is only temporary. Children are only
temporarily enlightened by all their "stuff," and will become
bored, or worse, want more!

Their "stuff" doesn't make them feel good inside, something
is missing- oh yeah, parents!

They grow up wanting to give what they didn't have (even if
they had a lot). This is the way they were taught to show
love, to not feel guilty for not being there, or showing their
parents they are better "providers" then they were. The
vicious circle of misinterpreted beliefs starts again.

In the book, What You Think Of Me Is None Of My Business,
author Terry Cole-Whittaker says, "that wanting your children
to have a better life than you had sounds loving and sensible
but often means: "I never got the love and approval I was
looking for, so I want my child to fulfill my dreams. ...so he
grows up with a misunderstanding of what constitutes
happiness. He begins to believe that people, places, and
things are the source of his own good.""

Instead of showering children with "stuff "and creating bad
habits, bad examples, and false beliefs, SPEND some TIME
with your children.

10 FREE Things to do with your children:

1. Play in the sandbox with them and build castles!

2. Play Hide and Seek

3. Play dress up

4. Take them to the playground, it's fun and great exercise if
you actually join in the fun with them of sliding, swinging,
twirling, and climbing.

5. Take a walk with them, and talk or just be still.

6. Teach them some life skills: cooking, laundry, cleaning,
writing a check, balance a checkbook, planting a garden,
fishing, etc.

7. Ride bikes together.

8. Play some board games with them.

9. Sit down and EAT with them.

10. Give them a hug, your love, your approval - these things
will mean much more to them then "stuff." These things will
not only feed their Spirit, but yours as well.

EDITOR'S NOTE: I'm sure you can think of a lot of other
things. If you would like to share, please send them to
mailto:overhall@chesapeake.net and I'll post them in the
next Balance issue.

Once you realize and accept that you are a complete and
spiritual being, that you are greater than your possessions,
you are complete without them, you can begin to take the
steps to get rid of your clutter, the excess, and begin to let
go and begin to get organized.

If you need professional help, get it. But remember you are
the only one that can change your habits of
overcompensation and of false material beliefs that you think
will bring you and your children happiness.

You and only you are the CAUSE. You are not a victim.
You have the choice to get sober from your clutter.

For additional help: The Organizing and Feng Shui Wizard,
Janet L. Hall, FSII has a FREE newsletter, OverHall IT! at
http://www.overhall.com/newsletter.htm and many
organizational products for your office, home, and computer
at http://www.overhall.com/products.htm
Janet is a Professional Organizer, Certified Feng Shui
Practitioner, Speaker, and Author and can help you regain
control of your life, your time, your stuff, and your
environment.

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