Who Needs a Coach?

The other day, I was walking down the street, and was stopped by a young man who looked distressed. He said to me, "Hey, man, would you be willing to give me $20? The fan belt on my car broke, and I need another $20 to get it fixed."

I looked around, and I didn't see a car, or a garage. I said, "Where's your car?" He said, "It's just around the corner." My first thought? You guessed it - is he trying to scam me? I allowed myself to think that for just a second, and when I realized what I was thinking, I immediately put my hand in my pocket and gave him the $20.

Now, right now, what's going through your mind? Was it a scam? Was it the truth?

What world do you live in? What world was I living in?

The truth is, it doesn't really matter. What does it cost for me to believe in a world where everyone is truthful and trustworthy? Where people trust each other and ask for help, knowing they're going to get it? The answer is: $20. It was worth $20 for me to live in a world where people trust each other. I don't want to live in a world of mistrust. I choose the other path. Where do you live?

This is the reason that you and I and everyone needs a coach. We need coaches to keep us focused, to keep our perspective pure.

We all listen to the same radio station, WII-FM - What's In It For Me? Why do I need a coach?

Everyone wants to improve. We all want to be better - be a better husband, a better wife, a better leader, a better employee, a better person. But only 5% of the population actually does anything about improving themselves. Imagine what kind of energy we'd create if we increased that to 10%, or 20%!

What holds us back from taking action? Nietzsche said, "We find a tolerable level of despair and call it happiness."

It reminds me of a story I once heard about an old man and his dog sitting on their front porch. Every now and then, the dog would let out a groan, shift a bit and go back to sleep. One day, a visitor asked the old man what was wrong with the dog. The old man replied, "Must be lyin' on a nail." The visitor said, "Why doesn't he move, then?" "Must not be aggravatin' him enough to move", was the short reply. So why don't we move? Because the alternative is worse ' too much effort, too much money, not enough time ' frankly, because if we were willing to look at what the challenges were, we'd have to do something about it!

I was starting to coach a client who wanted to improve his business performance. I was looking for the emotional charge, trying to find the block so I could help him through it. I wasn't making much headway, so I asked him a few questions. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being lowest and 10 being the best, how would you rate your marketing skills? Stress in the office? He rated all the business skills as a 7 or 8; not where he wanted it to be but it wasn't bad.

Then I asked about his relationships - about his spouse, how much he felt supported. I got answers of 1,2 or 3 on the parts of his life that didn't have to do with business. So I said, if you want me to help you improve your business, I need to get rid of these ankle weights. Let's work on your relationship, and that will improve your business. In his relationship he wasn't feeling supported, so he wasn't giving his wife support. I told him to work on making her feel fantastic. What happened? They're doing more things together, he's happier, and his business is exploding.

We look at the wheel - all the aspects of life. I've never talked to someone about business without the issue of relationship arising. I've never talked about self-image without money showing up. What people say they need to work on isn't really what they need to work on, it's always something else. It's the part they've been unwilling to look at by themselves.

That's why they need a coach - to help them look at the hard parts in a safe, supportive, encouraging environment. To recognize that their life isn't conveniently divided into compartments; wherever they go, they take themselves, darn it! There's no escape, so we'd better start working on making life congruent.