Seducing Your Man: In Bed And Out Of It

You don't have to be a walking sex manual or have a body like a Hollywood siren to qualify to be an erotic enchantress. But you do have to learn to manipulate a man's most sensitive organ: His brain. More than your technique, it is your attitude that will enable you to cast a spell and hold your man in sexual thrall. Capture a man's imagination - and his body is yours.

And many a male mind is free for the taking. That's because a great number of men are practically bored out of bed by the uninspired sexual patterns they have established with their regular lovers. They are tired too of always feeling responsible for the pleasure of passive partners. Instead, they long for a self-confident seductress who is willing to take charge (at least once in a while) in order to fulfil her sexual needs which are not merely to achieve an orgasm, but to actively deliver one as well.

Fiona, a 27-year-old executive says, "Sometimes, I think that the steamiest, most romantic times of my life were at school, when I wasn't yet ready to go all the way. So, when I meet a man I am attracted to, I enjoy necking, holding hands at the movies or dancing close.

"When it's obvious that we are going to make love, I pretend I am 16 again. Rather than jump into bed right away, I tell him, may be next time - and make sure I give a good excuse.

"This gives me a chance to get to know him better before we become intimate. The waiting brings our desire to the boiling point - and keeps it bubbling."

Once, a woman was able to exercise her erotic power only by saying "no" to a man. If she said 'yes," it meant she agreed to do whatever her lover wanted, whenever he wanted to do it. But, today, women can be in control of most sexual situations - if they want to be.

Building up a man's hunger, say experts, is a successful strategy in a long-term relationship as well. Many men turn to extramarital affairs because they find a partner who is more inventive and playful - qualities that tend to slip away in a marriage.

DISCOVER NEW METHODS

Many couples fall into a sexual rut. They depend on a few tried - and tested erotic routines. And that's it. Over the years, they set up a kind of non-verbal contract: These positions or practices are okay; those are too inky. Men and women may also think that their partner would be shocked if they suggest anything but the most straitlaced sex. So, they remain silent and fantasise about other, more adventurous partners.

Men still seem to divide women into coy partners and whores. As a result, it's often up to the woman to rid the man of his inhibitions and tempt him into sex acts he's scared of suggesting. Making a few bold suggestions or picking a new, naughty place to make love can reap major relationship benefits. Show him he can turn to you for the erotic excitement he craves and he'll never think about searching for it elsewhere.

When it comes to size, Freud may have been wrong. Women don't suffer from penis envy - men do! A man is always afraid his partner has known other lovers who are bigger and better endowed. He fears he's too small, too fast, too slow, too unskilled, and that his performance will not meet her expectations.

But a sexual enchantress knows how to nip these fears in the bud before they reach the bedroom. She makes her partner feel more secure, lavishes attention and even reverses the usual sexual roles. When she does this, she dispels all his insecurities and makes him feel like the greatest lover alive.

No, you may not have a spectacular climax if you are concentrating solely on your partner's pleasure but, after such an exhilarating and ego-enhancing experience, most men are more than willing to return the favour.

REMEMBER ROMANCE

Romance! Remember romance? It used to come before the sex. Romance is essential to seduction and seduction is necessary for peace of mind. It gives us the time to persuade ourselves that we are doing the right thing even when we aren't. The death of romance is the reason seduction has become a lost art. And that is a tragedy because skilful seduction can lead to wonderful, satisfying sex. Seduction is the civilised prelude to sex. Without the sophistry of seduction, sex is just a mechanical act.

To learn how to seduce a man, you have to understand why romance is so important. For generations, women have been told (and this may come as a shock to some) that romance is what matters for women. That's not really true. All the time, it was the other way around.

The whole tedious card, flowers, flattery and phone calls routine is for his benefit. In fact, a skilful seduction scenario is absolutely essential if he is to rise to the occasion.

It doesn't really matter who appears to be seducing whom as long as you are comfortable and relaxed with each other once you actually shut the bedroom decor. Confidence and security is all about. Specially his!

Seduction isn't some crude a wrestling match! It is the subtlest power-play there is between men and women because it is ultimately about getting what you want. Does it matter who wins, as long as no one loses?

More sex - more health: Recent research has revealed that couples who make love once or twice a week are less likely to catch colds, flu or stomach bugs. Sex has been described as the ultimate analgesic - a natural painkiller - and it is far cheaper and more pleasurable than any prescribed medicine. There is also strong evidence that "feel-good" chemicals released by the brain during sex, act as painkillers. Some studies have revealed that sex can relieve the pain of a headache and even arthritis. Blood flow increase to all parts of the body and this takes pressure away from the brain, while complete relaxation after an orgasm reduces tension in all muscle groups.

During lovemaking, the sense of smell becomes more sensitive, the feeling of drowsiness after sex is partly due to the rush of blood and the release of a chemical called oxytocin which helps to create feelings of relaxation and warmth. Also, about half an hour after sex, a person becomes more mentally alert. Researchers have also correlated longevity with the frequency of sex for both men and women. Making love twice a week can make people an average 1.6 years younger in health terms.

While, in terms of aerobic activity, the gains are negligible, it is, by far, the most enjoyable way to burn up between 400 to 1000 kilojoules an hour!

Sex has other benefits on women's health - it can help regulate oestrogen levels and may also reduce the symptoms of pre-menstrual syndrome. It has special benefits for men, particularly if they are over 40. Research has shown that regular sex is important in the prevention of prostate cancer in later life. It also boosts the level of the male hormone, testosterone which may have a protective effect on the heart.

Sex and the urban woman: It has now been established that stress in the city (especially for women) is much higher than anywhere else. Sleep problems and anxiety about managing home and work, often put them in a permanent state of shattered nerves, chronic fatigue, panic attacks and migraine. Many women confess that they live half their lives under stress. This naturally leaves hardly any room for relaxation with family and friends - much less for spontaneity in sex.

When sex is painful: It is common for women to suffer from painful intercourse at some stage in their life. For most, it will be a passing discomfort - probably with a known reason - but, unfortunately for some, it becomes a regular feature of lovemaking. This can have a devastating effect on the physical and emotional enjoyment experienced by both partners. Lack of arousal causes pain and pain blocks arousal. Many women find that they are caught up in a pain cycle. Having already experienced painful intercourse, they begin to fear more pain.

There are some temporary conditions... after childbirth, it is quite common for women to feel some discomfort. If you are menopausal, you may find that intercourse becomes painful because of lowered oestrogen levels.

Cystitis or vaginal irritations and warts also cause soreness. Some women are sensitive to condoms, contraceptive creams or certain lubricants.

If the pain is in the lower abdomen or to one side, you should consult a doctor to rule out gynaec disorders like endometriosis, prolapse, cysts, fibriosis, uterine retroversion and pelvic inflammatory disease.

Tips For Increasing Arousal

Relax: This is the most important thing you can do. Try a relaxing bath. Relationship issues: Be sure that your head and your heart are in the mood for sex as well as your body.

Exercise your pelvic floor muscles: This increases blood flow to the genital area and makes you more conscious of any sensations of arousal.

Try fantasy: Get yourself into a dreamy mood by slipping into your favourite fantasy.

Enjoy being sensual before you are sexual: Take your time and let your body focus on the pleasurable sensations of touch.

Lubricate: If you are finding it hard to arouse yourself, a little lubrication will help.

If you have been suffering from painful intercourse for a while, it is better to consult a doctor so that any underlying causes can be diagnosed.