The Friend who could be your Rapist

Three years ago, Hazel, a 24 year old receptionist was dumped by her long term boyfriend. ‘One Friday when I was still feeling emotionally sore, I bumped into him and his new girlfriend in a club. Seeing them together was absolutely hideous. The next night I went out with my friend Jane to forget about him.’

‘We had a great night. We bumped into a crowd of people from my office and my boss David was there. We’d never socialized before but he had talked a fair amount at work because his partner has just left him too. He really understood what I was going through because he was in the same boat.’

At the end of the night, Hazel shared a taxi home with Jane and David, as they all lived in the same area. Hazel fell asleep in the cab. ‘I don’t remember Jane getting out, but she later said she gave David and the driver my address and told him to drop me off next’.

Instead, Hazel woke up when the car stopped – outside David’s house. ‘I was tired and just wanted to go home, but I didn’t have enough money to get back in the cab. David said I’d be safer sleeping on his sofa. I figured he was right and he was my boss after all.

Once inside David turned on the TV and left Hazel to sleep. ‘It was so loud I complained but David said it was broken. I’d have to sleep in his room if I needed quiet. I was emotionally exhausted, so I tried to sleep on top of his bed, fully clothed. David kept trying to touch me. He got more and more insistent. Then he tried to pull my jeans down. I couldn’t fight him off. As he raped me, I held my breath and concentrated on a spot on the ceiling.  

‘When I got back to my place, I cried and cried. I spent hours in the shower to get rid of any sign of him. Finally, I found the strength to call Jane; she couldn’t believe it. She’d only left me in the cab with David because she thought he’d get me home safely. I didn’t report him to the police. I was drunk and had willingly gone back to a man’s flat. I was so trusting but I had no reason not to be. David was my boss, my friend…He was meant to protect me.’

Friend or Foe?

Sadly, Hazel’s story isn’t a one-off. More and more attackers are using the tactic of ‘samaritan rape’ – targeting women when they’re emotionally or physically vulnerable, offering help and making their victims believe they can trust them. Samaritan rape is a big concern. A stranger dragging a woman off into a dark alleyway isn’t actually the norm. It accounts only for a minority of cases. Most rapes are committed by an acquaintance, who could be a friend or someone they’ve just met that night.

This type of rapist is likely to prey on women whose defenses are down, which means that women who’ve been drinking are particularly at risk. This kind of attacker will target a woman because of vulnerabilities, often when they know she’s had a drink, and offer her a lift home or promise to share a taxi. 40% of rapes take place at the victim’s home and 26% at the suspect’s address. Many of these attacks are domestic violence related, but statistics suggests that in the remaining cases, the women trusted their attacker enough to let him into their home or to go to his.

Bad Intentions

The majority of people who offer help are genuine, but there are a few who do so with the worst intentions. Letting someone you don’t know help you home is always a situation best avoided. The key is to plan ahead. Work out in advance how you’re going to get home.

If you’ve arranged to go out with friends, make sure you all stick to those plans and don’t go off with other people. If you’re traveling home by cab, either book it before you leave home or carry the number of a licensed taxi firm with you.