Toys, Tricks and Tears: Getting the Most Out of Your BDSM Play

Whether you are a newcomer to the D/s lifestyle, or an old pro who has been tying knots and administering punishments for years, there are a few guidelines that are good to remember. They will keep both your partner and you safe, and help make certain that each time is as enjoyable and earth shatteringly wonderful as the next.

When 'Stop' Doesn't Cut It

In an intense moment of arousal and passion, your partner may utter the words 'don't', 'stop', or 'no’, but these could easily be part of the play. Perhaps you both are acting out some naughty fantasy, wherein the 'victim' is trying to get your character to stop what they're doing, even if your lover doesn't want you to stop. This is why a safeword is an invaluable tool. It should be something out of the ordinary that isn't likely to come up during the course of your play. 'Banana soup' is silly, but how often will that be spoken aloud when things are hot and heavy? Another option is to use 'Green, yellow, red'. Green indicates things are good, yellow says, “It's good, but don't go any further than that' and red? 'Stop immediately'. By paying attention for the safeword, you can protect yourself and your partner, ensuring that the fun stays that way.

Restraints and Gags

Tying down your lover can be one of the most delicious and erotic things you can do, assuming you follow it up with equally tantalizing torment. But don't skimp on the gear by buying the cheap stuff sold at your average sex shops. Go for the good stuff at professional BDSM supply stores (there are several reputable ones on the Internet). Not only will dedicated vendors have a wider selection, but also the quality of their stock will be far superior. When it comes to specific types of restraints, some adventurous souls tend to prefer silk scarves. But items like that, or stockings tend to knot up very tightly, making them all but impossible to remove safely. If you insist on using them, a pair of scissors could prove extremely useful. Then, for those who enjoy a bit of police play, or just simply like the pragmatic approach of handcuffs, be sure to get your hands on the same grade of cuffs that the police uses. These won't tighten or constrict further after being put on, like the cheap imitations at most sex stores.

 

With restraint and restriction of any kind, you should always be wary of cutting off circulation. If your partner's hands or feet feel cold, or they complain of tingling or numbness, reposition them to alleviate the stress. Pain and discomfort may be part and parcel for some people, but only when it is intentional. Gags can also be fun, whether it's an o-ring gag for a bit of forced oral, or a ball gag to stifle your partner's cries of feigned anguish. Bear in mind that when gagged, your partner can't speak the safeword, so another signal should be thought up beforehand, if you're going to go this route, be it a hand gesture, ringing of a bell that's close by, or pretty much anything you can think of. Last but not least, make certain your partner has an open airway. If you gag him or her, make certain his or her nose isn't covered.

Rubber or Plastic Sheets

Food play, sperm play, oil wrestling – any sort of fun you can have in the bedroom that by its nature tends to make a huge mess – necessitates special sheeting. Quality BDSM suppliers will have sheets in various sizes you can put over your bed to protect it. Afterwards, just peel it off, give it a good scrubbing or wash and you're good to go for the next time.

These are modest but important tips for play that anyone can use, and everyone who cares about their partner 'should' use in order to prolong the enjoyment for both parties. With forethought, common sense and due diligence, you can continue to crack that flogger, drip that wax or tease your partner to sensual delirium for years and years.