Why Humans Make Lousy Lovers

How can I, love, and you, three of the most misunderstood words in human language, be linked together to form our most sublime sentence? Like a Linus blanket we refuse to relinquish, this seemingly simple phrase comforts us from cradle to grave. Since long before grunts gave way to words, its message has been expressed by mothers to infants, children to their best friends, people to their pets, lovers to each other, and, most notably, by those facing death to their God.

This celebrated sentence is like a teeter-totter: I on one end, you on the other, and love, the magnificent fulcrum that connects the two in a dance of infinite possibilities, in the middle. But who am I? And who are you, really? And, as Cole Porter asked way back in 1929, “What is this thing called love?” Perhaps these questions are the true riddles of the ages. Perhaps the one who succeeds in plumbing the depths of these three terms will be at last reunited with the Oneness of creation.

I, for one, am presently no closer to unraveling this conundrum than when I first breached the womb. But the flood of warmth that moves through me each time I express my love for you reflects the absolute joy of this journey of discovery. The deeper I explore the mystery of my own existence, the more I discover the divine in you. I now know with absolute certainty that in the fullness of time love will consume me, and any last shred of my personal I will dissolve in love’s brilliance as the you and I merge.

Sex—expressed or sublimated—is the stage on which we humans, like all other sentient beings, enact this cosmic passion play. Sex is like a Stradivarius violin, a perfect instrument with ranges of expression that exceed what our senses can contain. In the hands of an unconscious musician, clumsy, probing fingers can only evoke gross groans and squeaks, violating our sensibilities and profaning the instrument’s perfection.

So we now have a fourth word to add to our ill-defined stew. “I love you, let’s have sex.” Unfortunately, humanity has so confused sex with love that the two have become inextricably intertwined. If we drove our cars the way we make love, we would solve the world’s overpopulation problem in the beep of a horn. Ironically, our civilized societies demand more training and supervision for getting behind the wheel of a car than getting it off in the back seat.

Getting it off (or on) ... what a delightful euphemism for making love that is! You see, it doesn’t matter whether you bone or bonk, do the deed or the horizontal tango, make bacon or babies, pork, romp, screw, or express your deepest essence in a sublime act of total surrender—the supremely flexible Stradivarius of sex accommodates them all. Every possible expression of sexuality, from tantric ascension into heavenly bliss to child molestation and ritual killings, is part of its vast repertoire.

If you’re bent on making sense of it all, then fasten your seat belt. Here’s where the road makes a sudden, steep, and slippery descent. To understand the full range of sexual expression we need to know quite a bit more about the players than their pronouns. And this calls for examining the illusion we charmingly refer to as reality and the (mis)perception of who we (you and I) truly are.

From the human ego’s earthly perspective, we are biochemical entities that depend on a fragile solar and planetary ecosystem for our sustenance and survival. We are a tangled complex of emotions, intelligence, physicality, and—if we can move beyond our primary instincts—spirituality. Each of us, moreover, is distinct and separate from everyone and everything else.

A cosmological perspective reveals something entirely different. Each aspect of the creation, whether sentient or (seemingly) inert, is part of what the Buddhists call Indra’s Net—an infinite, interconnected cosmic hologram through which the All That Is records its experiences. In other words, you and I are each an aspect of God perceiving itself as human.

These two views, the egoistic and the cosmological, fix the extremes of a continuum of being that ranges from the constricted human-I at the bottom through the level of the soul-I to merge with the Oneness of the God-I at the top. How you perceive reality shifts with every incremental step you take along this continuum. If you keep seeing (and believing) the same thing from day to day, it’s a sure sign that you’re stuck.

Something very similar to this perception gradient exists in the human body. There is a network of energy vortexes, called chakras (a Sanskrit word for wheel or disk), that relate to various colors, emotions, organs, and other aspects of human behavior. Although there are many chakra points throughout the body, the seven main ones are positioned along a vertical line that extends from the root chakra at the base of the spine to the crown chakra positioned just above the top of the head.

These chakras perform two significant functions other than the ones usually ascribed to them. First, they are the points through which every being is subtly connected to and communicates with the cosmic hologram. The information you receive through them comes as sudden flashes of inspiration or intuitive realization. They are your wireless links to the infinite network of creation. Moreover, both inspirational and sensory input move through the chakra system from root to crown. A blockage at any one chakra along the way obstructs the information from reaching a higher energy center.

Second, the chakras are the repositories for all your basic belief systems. All primary thought patterns concerning one’s life are imprinted, by category, in a particular chakra. For example, all issues concerning personal survival, such as safety, food, shelter, and financial security, are stored in the first (root) chakra. Beliefs concerning family, superstitions, and group judgments including religious convictions, are held here too. Blockages in the first chakra cause sex to be treated primarily as a function of procreation, as typically seen in underdeveloped or third-world countries or by followers of certain patriarchal religions. Extreme distortions in this chakra can result in satanic ritual sacrifice, child molestation, and a host of other perverted behaviors born of fear-based superstition often masked by the zeal of distorted religious dogma.

The second chakra (located just below the navel) stores all the decisions regarding one's personal and emotional identity. It holds imprints arising from traumatic sexual experiences, as well as patterns of blame, guilt, power, and morality. Blockages here can trigger sexual behavior that involve emotional or physical pain and violent, non-consensual sex.

The third chakra (positioned in the solar plexus) is the seat of the ego and the upper home of the human aspect of our infinite being. Restrictions in this chakra lead to low self-esteem, fear of rejection, oversensitivity to criticism, and a deep-seated fear of having one=s secrets exposed. When this chakra is blocked, sex becomes codependent: the partners act out the parent-child bonding patterns that define their relationship.

These first three chakras delimit the human portion of the infinite continuum. While sex experienced through the lower energy centers may result in moments of great release or pleasure—for at least one participant—there is little or no sacred energy transfer between the partners. Significant energetic transfers cannot occur until both participants have done sufficient work to balance (or neutralize) the blockages in the first three chakras. This is accomplished through various disciplines that focus one’s attention on behavior patterns in order to gradually bring them under conscious, rather than impulsive, control. Having done this work, they are able to transcend their base human nature and move into the fourth chakra located in the heart. It is here that union is expressed as unconditional (as opposed to codependent) love, and love enters the first realms of the divine.

It is beyond the scope of this article to delve into the sexual fireworks that await you when you finally penetrate the mysteries of the three higher energy centers—the throat, third eye, and crown—that open the doorway to infinite intelligence. Expressing unconditional love and unobstructed communication through these higher chakras propels you (and your partner) into kaleidoscopic crescendos that transcend the human domain. Suffice it to say that once you experience the perfection of great, vintage champagne, you’ll never again settle for screw-top fermented grape juice out of a brown paper bag.